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Okay, But​.​.​.

by Social Anxiety

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1.
Foreplay: 03:56
Bumpin’ new shit in the whip with a dope chick She got a kid so the hustle in her don’t quit I ain’t rich, I ain’t shit but let’s see what this gets So the clock will continue to tick, tick, tick, tick Green tea fix cuz the drinks and the drugs don’t mix Learned this from a slipped disc in a crash that stole bliss The best coast stole a ghost from the parasite’s host, shit At most I will boast about the cost of this trope for a dope hit You know I’m on ropes for a drug that I won’t kick Toke on a smoke for a high that I can’t quit Invoke all the jokes ‘cause this part has no kick Implode all the modes ‘cause this deal’s got no vig Go for throats with the knife you used to slit wrists Go for gold if silver’s a sliver of what life gives When you see every bad bitch earned good dick You won’t quit ‘cause if life’s a trip, it’ll be done quick You don’t have a career, you’re an indentured servant And a social security check is the lube they’re using So that makes you a sex slave to capitalism’s delusion That you can have it all without ever truly abusing it All mind over matter ever got me was rampant disaster These fucks should cut the laughter before I cut out their bladders Fat pigs in suit and ties to hide the wolf in their chatter Chasing sheeple off a cliff cuz they easily scatter All these cats trying to be the next Aesop when they're more A$AP So I put a bomb in the backpack rap and now I'm more boom than bap My girlfriend is waiting on the track that puts me on the map So I'm attacking this rap like I'm on a felony path I’ve desired to walk the path of an artist wearing a mask But these metaphors still lead you to the truth too fast They say I’m as empty as the flask hidden in my desk Well, that explains some of the voices in my head That keep leading me to dizziness and shortness of breath You’re only ever as alive as the energy put into your death So somehow I’m still buckled into a bumpy ride On a bridge deciding between accidental death or suicide ‘Cause everyone always assumes that they’re good to drive I’ve learned enough to know everything’s meant to collide I’ve lived long enough to see all birds aren’t meant to fly So I try to forget about these useless wings by chasing different highs Studied the thoughts that led me to oblivion Cherished the rot that led to indifference Perished on top of a mountain of ignorance All in order to make money off of deliverance I’d pay for peace of mind but it’s so hard to find All the love inside just helps my anxiety rise I’d pay for more time if I was sure I’d be fine But there’s a few things I saw on the other side I’ve been waiting all my life to feel this alive It’s offset by the perfect amount of feeling dead inside I’ve been waiting a long time to experience this high Just didn’t expect for it to be so nearby Realized I’m more villainous than indifferent ‘Cause my body count just hit double digits Realized I’m more Ian Curtis than Sid Vicious If love tears me apart then I say good riddance Graduated past human form into a prism That lives like a Dali locked away in a prison I’m not rapping to beats I’m rapping to beat sleep I’m rapping to beat these cheats that herd us like sheep I’m vilifying all these fucking presidential decrees ‘Till you correlate Social Anxiety with obscenity I’ve got the biggest mouth in the room and the sharpest knife too So I’m always ready to talk shit and castrate ego’s in bloom If I go to bed empty now it’s all on me ‘cause she fills me up with all I need constantly But there’s a voice in my head nagging at me Sayin’ I don’t deserve to make realities of my dreams I’m so fucked up now it’s getting hard to sleep ‘cause she’s everything I need and don’t want her to leave I’m so fucked up now it’s getting hard to breathe ‘cause I keep confusing primal needs for bad dreams If I can get through this phase then I’ll be fine That’s when the darker parts of me like to collide ‘cause when she’s in my view all these voices subside There’s an elegant truth in pretending you’re alright
2.
Girl, I’m an abscess that landed on your mattress Watch as I backflip a script to numb the panic Fade to the blackness, I always bring the tragic Pain in a status, I always bring the havoc Cut to the madness, get high off the static Fuck with a savage with nothing to salvage Bury your baggage with a habit to bandage Smoke the solutions, buzz off the acid Wear these contusions to cause a nuisance Hang off the noose end from a thick neck Dive with purpose into the deep end Life’s too short to not kill bad friends I hate you all I hate you all I hate you all I’d watch you fall I hate you all I hate you all I hate you all I’d make you fall Hate on display so here take a plate Fill it up to displace things the internet creates Lay me to waste with baggage to claim But my girl carries it with a smile on her face Her and Kai are drops of love in a pit of hate I can’t control the emptiness life engrains I can’t control where the bloodstains remain If it’s all in my head I think I need a new brain Mark a date to never be saved Don’t believe in god, he’s a delusion of the sane Did all the drugs to find my higher brain Drank ayahuasca till I escaped mind states If the chick hit you with a can of mace That means you should get outta her face Back down boy, there’ll be problems today If ya don’t cut out that fuckboy shit right away I shouldn’t have to say half the things I say But you’re all a bunch of idiots with shit for brains Water is life, can’t drink oil dummy Black lives matter, end of story I’m wasting days at the thought of this pace Anxiety is willing my haste away I’m carving my name into the walk of fame Like I graffitied Ronald Reagan’s grave My story’s filled with chapters where I almost hung from rafters All because the world doesn’t Like me as a rapper Now I’m numb to chatter And little pitter-patters ‘Cause I’ve come to the conclusion You’re all a bunch of actors Simply a disaster putting mind over matter and now I don’t matter Cut to the banter I’m trying to break Free of these chains They comes as thoughts That drive me insane I’m trying to make A name for this pain It comes in waves To engulf my brain
3.
My reality is latent addiction Habits listed on a google doc around the clock I’m an acid trip with a sadistic twist The kind that’ll make me want to call the shots And the voices they never stop Long enough to let me cool off So now everybody’s writing me off ‘Cause they think I’ll never reach the top And I might not Might as well chock it up to a loss ‘Cause if life’s my lover we’re star-crossed You don’t wanna know what gets me off ‘Cause she’s only one that sets me off When I fell I never got back up She’s still collecting pieces of what I once was When we’re together this never lets up When her good met my ugly she still called it love I’ve been wondering where I went wrong Have I been this broken all along? Is she here with me to journey on? And are our hearts singing the same song? It all starts with a fling And either ends in love or a jump off the balcony When I started to sing It was to permeate through past the screams It all starts with a fling And either ends in love or face full of concrete When we started to sing I finally understood the point of Humpty Dumpty What will it take for the world to love me? When my whole world is way above me? I laid there in pieces on the concrete And you picked up the pieces and admired the gleam (I’m just trying to do right by you By doing right by me too And I know I’m pretty broken But that doesn’t seem to bother you I’m realizing that people can’t be put back together And that you should just admire the pieces for what they are I’m seeing that relationships function like dustpans But instead of throwing the pieces in the trash you put ‘em on display So the world can see that we’re all inherently broken But despite the chaos and the clutter we’re all worthy of love and affection And that no matter what road life takes us We can eventually end up going the right direction I’d like to thank you for putting up with me But you do so much more than put up with me You excite my inner desires till I’m living my fantasy You are my muse, every song I write embodies my love for you I love you You and only you Thank you)
4.
Almost Human 02:35
A destitute aficionado, recluse with a bottle Playing loose going full throttle shatterin’ all the models Try it twice was the motto that got me this bravado Play it like the lotto ‘till the screams push the envelope I coddled the bottle ‘till the liquor made me wobble Swallowed all the sorrow ‘till the whiskey pardoned tomorrow Spent more than I borrowed, that’s a capitalist’s cargo Sorry never spared me the emptiness of this plateau Smiled like a scarecrow, shot like an arrow Spoke like a pharaoh wrapped up and reduced to bone marrow Walked the straight and narrow and all I got was an ego Acted like the hero but all they saw was a weirdo ¿Hola mi amor, puedo ir contigo? ¿Te sientes solo cuando no estás conmigo? I’ve learned a thing or two and added it to my lingo Got my ducks in a row like life’s a game of bingo Whenever I’m with her I feel like I’m halfway to real I’m almost human ‘cause she’s got me head over heels Syncopate the synchrony to comfort the company The physics of a slippery slope prevent me from being me So I’m smokin’ Sour D sliding into daydreams Slid into her DM’s and she awoke my love with ease Sometimes that leaves me trapped at the bottom of a ravine ‘Cause I’m so caught in my head you’d think my skull had teeth Diving headfirst into doubt before the ground I’m on gives out My disorder speaks but never look a gift horse in the mouth ‘Cause when you do you’ll see that only the truth ever comes out And that inkling of doubt is just your head wigging out A pauper and a prince, I’m the messiah to all masochists A pervert and a prude calling this mess what it is A hypocrite curtailing bliss for a figment of a tryst Antisocial atheist misdirecting spastic fits I’ve distorted my senses with discordian ethics Resorted to methods other deemed unpleasant To send forth a message of wasted adolescence And fed my depression through sordid transgressions I’ve explored the wreckage and been imploringly reckless Reduced my dimension to being reluctantly sentenced Inundated my presence with debauched lessons Of delinquent intentions that preserve my essence I’ve relinquished my control over escaping this terror Because a single day spent living is never in error I’ll continue to proceed through the stormiest weather Because I believe with all my heart things will get better They secure their success with rock the vote Novembers So we’ll secure our survival by becoming dissenters We’ll reduce these monuments to smoldering embers Because all they stand for is the illusion of shelter I’ve submitted to the discomfort of this specter Learned to thrive in the darkness under extreme pressure Made the gallows my home rather than just a measure To sacrifice my blood and bones for her love forever And whether or not we can embrace this gesture I’ll always think of you and I as a treasure So always remember when you start to feel weathered Grass is greener on the other side ‘cause the climate is wetter

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released May 6, 2017

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Social Anxiety Los Angeles, California

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