He was born in a middle class suburban home But ever since his grandparent’s split he felt alone He felt like he never had a place to call his own So he dreamed up a world in which he could roam From early on his imagination was his best friend Cuz only in his imagination he didn’t wish he were dead His parents loved him but they never paid attention To that boiling kettle of kid that they were raising He dreamed of the day he would make his mark But a day in his life was like swimming with sharks Maybe he should’ve asked for help, that’d have been a start But you’re always the last to know when your mind falls apart Let’s hear the story of the boy who thought himself mad A victim of the pharmaceutical industries plan Did you ever imagine you could think yourself insane? You can, you can, you can, you can “What’s so scary about schizophrenia?” you might say How would you feel if your mind was constantly trapped in a maze? Where not even the drugs can break you out of the haze Or lift the veil up and clear away your sanity’s decay You go to the psychiatrist for some help But all they do is prescribe the pills, the pills, the pills The doctors say they’ll tranquilize your brain Until it reaches some semblance of sane And from then on you’ll spend your days sleeping in You’ll feel like a zombie from The Night of the Living Dead And soon your friends will see that you’re a mess At least the few friends that you managed to have kept Let’s hear the story of the boy who thought himself mad A victim of the pharmaceutical industries plan Did you ever imagine you could think yourself insane? You can, you can, you can, you can Let’s hear the story of the boy who thought himself mad (do-wop-wop) A victim of the pharmaceutical industries plan (do-wop-wop) Did you ever imagine you could think yourself insane? (do-wop-wop) You can, you can, you can, you can (do-wop-wop) The voices in my head – they won’t go away The voices in my head – they’re here to stay The voices in my head – they won’t go away The voices in my head – they’re here to stay He didn’t think exploring the further recesses of his mind Would ever end him up in a mental hospital But instead all his thinking drove him insane He’s psychonaut who’s got a problem with his brain He’s constantly looking over his shoulder He thinks that everyone is laughing at him behind his back He thinks the world is out to get him, even his friends And there ain’t no coming back from thoughts like that He stopped eating because he thought his food was poisoned And the medicine is making him lose even more weight So now all you see in him is a skeleton Begging for peace even if it’s only for a second He can’t deal with the voices in his head They keep telling him to do himself in He never thought suicide was an option Until his own head was telling him to do it And his skull feels like a coffin For a brain that is as good as dead And everything he’s read on the internet Doesn’t quite compare to how this really is Good days for him don’t happen quite often But that’s his life and he deals with it Let’s hear the story of the boy who thought himself mad A victim of the pharmaceutical industries plan Did you ever imagine you could think yourself insane? You can, you can, you can, you can Let’s hear the story of the boy who thought himself mad (do-wop-wop) A victim of the pharmaceutical industries plan (do-wop-wop) Did you ever imagine you could think yourself insane? (do-wop-wop) You can, you can, you can, you can (do-wop-wop)

Lithium, Xanax, and Abilify That’s what the kids are made of Drinking all night and getting high Hoping they find an answer tonight Our youth is torn, sedated and worn Hardrives full of internet porn You hear a .45 ring out in the sky Another teenager just upped and died What is the reason for this life of lies? Passing you by with no future in sight My generation is more fucked up than yours Always waiting for that next big score Always waiting for that next big break Looking for things that even god couldn’t save The trouble is all mine, none of it’s yours This is what life is like when kids wage wars We worship Disney channel stars and American idols Because a broken home is no role model We pray to the people on the TV screen And you wonder why so many people can’t sleep? You give us pills to validate your beliefs And then expect us to still feel and think? You go on about the American Dream But we can’t fuckin’ dream if we can’t fuckin’ sleep You make our lives out to be so easy and free But I’m still cleanin’ up the mess my forefathers left me You say children are the future, what future have you left us? Public education from the back of a bus This world in twenty years will be an ungodly sight Yet you still protect our ears with your venomous lies What you’re really protecting us from is life This is what it feels like to have your childhood die

I’m tired of playing the part of the bad guy When I’m the one with the good guy eyes The eyes that can see past the outside And locate your heart on the inside I promise I will always be a gentleman I’ll open doors for you and hold your hand When you cry I will wipe away your tears When you’re scared I will take away your fears If I love you I won’t be afraid to say it If I love you I won’t be afraid to show it I can’t promise that I’ll never hurt you But I swear I’ll try my best not to If you think you’ve got problems, well so do I But we can see each other through the darkest nights If you think you’re fucked up, well I am too At least now I can be fucked up with you There’s a piece of my heart that’s missing A place where someone like you needs to be I’m tired of always feeling like I’m empty I’d just like someone to fill this void There’s a piece of you that no one sees At least no one but me Am I a hopeless romantic? Or am I just - hopeless? I’m tired of sleeping by myself at night Sleep comes easier with someone at my side If I had that someone I would be alright She could lie in my arms all night You shouldn’t depend on me for your happiness But you can depend on me to love you the best I’ll make every other guy wish he were me I’ll make every other girl jealous that you have me I’ll buy you flowers and write you letters I’ll be there for you when you need a shoulder I won’t leave you when things get hard And I won’t forget you if we depart I’ll make your world seem brand new And I swear that I will do right by you It’ll be you and me versus the world The world doesn’t stand a chance because you’re my girl There’s a piece of my heart that’s missing A place where someone like you needs to be I’m tired of always feeling like I’m empty I’d just like someone to fill this void There’s a piece of you that no one sees At least no one but me Am I a hopeless romantic? Or am I just - hopeless? There’s a piece of my heart that’s missing A place where someone like you needs to be I’m tired of always feeling like I’m empty I’d just like someone to fill this void There’s a piece of you that no one sees At least no one but me Am I a hopeless romantic? Or am I just - hopeless?

I pressed my lips against the sunrise to witness the diamond sky While she stood by my side with tears in her eyes I turned to her and asked if she wanted to ride or drive But all she could reply was, “I want to die” She’s three hits in and a funeral away All I want to do is leave but she’s begging me to stay But the slits on her wrists are driving me insane I don’t love you but I care too much to dissipate Julianna was a fiend born in broken dreams Just a hospital stay away from the obituary page Her walls were plastered with pictures of things that she would never see And all the people that she had wished that she could be Have you ever had a day where you just didn’t want to be you? Well she felt that way about herself everyday I tried my hardest to compensate for her loneliness But kindness in this situation only leads to madness I met her in 05 on the 19th of October She wasn’t trying very hard to act like she was sober I saw her clear across the room; she looked like an angel I swear Hours later she took me to her room and let me tug on her hair And something sort of sparked out of that nothingness Before I knew it, my heart was beating out my chest But soon I would realize that she was a fucking mess I swear that she was a goddamn train wreck She had daddy issues that gave skyscrapers competition She had a fascination for all things ammunition She was Cinderella with a Rambo-style knife collection She spent her final days trying to prey on my attention But love is the one thing that I’ve always lacked And I never thought when she left that I’d want her back But then again I never thought she’d exit through a ceiling fan And I haven’t slept for years ‘cause now all I think about is that I believe your death freed you from all the pain and the strife And all of the anguish that was in your life But I swear I tried my hardest to love you that whole time But it just couldn’t be done And now I spend my time just getting high Trying to forget that you were ever a part of my life I think I believe in a hell, I visit it every night Just like how you used to paint your sins on your skin with a knife And I was the patzi for your existence The Joker in your deck, the sweat to your fever And it’s not that I feel like something is missing I’d just like anything that’ll turn my nothing into something But you are the cause for my indifference The pains in my chest, the latter of my insignificance My careless repertoire of laughs at my existence The crude and unusual way I go about living But just as you know there are worse things than death Like living your life with your back to the wind You have to embrace it and let it carry you away You have to let it fill you from within Let it fill your chest with life anew It will show you which road to choose And now that I know this is the answer Julianna, for my conscience your death has lost its luster

Architecture of a picture perfect façade Little did I know the moment was gone The bay broke my heart, on the road again Heading back home to Los Angeles A fallen city with a permanent fixture of bliss With a sky so dark from the touch of heaven’s kiss I’ve been staring so long at this world’s abyss I’ve forgot to locate the feelings that I missed The angels ignited my wistful residence I returned a reply in full resonance Once again it looks like I’ve been led astray I’d shoot a hole through the sky if it bled the day Dusted off dreams ripe with decay A snow globe that melted on a sunny day A picturesque feeling that I’ve put away As I took the train back home to L.A. A sign from the heavens that we let fade Just like it was a Polaroid picture memory I sang the blues to the tune of my misery Threw in a groove and got this melody I left the trees and the leaves for the sound of the sea Got tired of the breeze and came back to the city Measured my chances like the lives of a cat I’m on my last one so there’s no going back I found in you what I had always lacked A sense of stability that I never had I would’ve given you the world and that’s a fact But it’s little too late now you blew your chance You saw in me what scared you the most A chance to settle down and become a ghost I’ve always been so afraid of ending up alone I’ve never embraced loneliness as my own But love isn’t something that is set in stone I gave up and then I came back home Los Angeles (x44)

Blow up the towers to invade Iraq Nuclear waste from the lips of Uncle Sam My heart did a tour in Afghanistan Far away from the Promised Land The Pentagon’s still standing, well how about that? And what about that nifty Halliburton contract? Do Blackwater guys really wear black? How do you dress for Christmas in Iran? Summers are hot in Israel Especially with people blowing shit to hell The Gaza Strip was a huge ordeal The US acted like it wasn’t even real Intervention is an exhibitionists trade Just to kill bin Laden and Saddam Hussein Blood spilled to trade oil for cash Defense contractors have the dirtiest hands Iraq threw up the white flag To surrender their oil to Exxon Mobil They’re pulling 2.5 million barrels per day But gas prices are high in the USA We shot bin Laden and hung Hussein So why are there still soldiers in the Middle East? The U.S. says their spreading freedom and peace Well, what’s so peaceful about an M16? Saudi’s blew up the World Trade Yet we won’t touch them cuz they’ve got oil in spades You might not like how the game is played But that’s how things are done in the US of A

I’m a lo-fi spectacle, imbalance of chemicals With a fascination that borders on Oedipal My message is epochal, subtly sensible No one ever said hip-hop had to be conventional My wisdom is appropriate, dissociative I mix together words like they’re opiates My words are slightly phallic, completely encephalic Music is my drug and I can’t live without it I’m onto you [x8] It’s time for a confession; wordplay’s an obsession Paranoia plastered on a page makes for a good rap session My memory’s blank from repression, an ideological suppression Catholic school punished me for all of my transgressions Now I’m a social flunky, Ziprasidone junkie Wellbutrin dosage determines my own well-being You can say I’m pretty lucky, I think it’s kinda funny This monkey’s still on my back flingin’ shit at me I’m onto you [x16] (Hiding from the light when the sun is out to bite This reality is trite, so why I should I abide?) If you think I’m kinda dark then you’re probably kinda right My words hide from the sun to make love to the night There’s a piece of me in every line I write Call me misanthropic, call me stubborn, call this blight Patterns emerge when I jot down a phrase I’ll be playing with words until I’m old with age Finding rhyme schemes in a psychotropic haze But no one ever said that being different pays And I’m no longer sticking needles into my veins Even the darkest of hearts see the brightest of days I didn’t beat my past; I just turned the page And you better be prepared for the hell that I raise I’m back on the map and I ain’t holding back You feel that in your chest? It’s a heart attack! I’m back from the dead and I’m here to stay Noir from good old Californi-a

Would you think that I was still beautiful if I told you I was a liar and that I have one foot out the door and one foot in the funeral pyre? Or that all that I have been through has made me the product of misdirection and that all I’ll ever be for you is another missed connection? Does it make you feel insecure when I show you my true weakness or when you’re an audience to the despair that facilitates my neuroses? Or because I’ve got a bone to pick with my closet full of skeletons because all they do is mix clever words with shots of arrogance? Would you still think I was intelligent when I get caught up in my words while I try to explain the condition of man is to gather into a herd? Or will you come to the conclusion that I’m not really perfect but you still think that this struggle with me is completely worth it? Would you believe me if I told you that god was really dead And that all that’s left is this idea engrained inside of our heads? And that the only thing we’re praying to before we go to sleep at night Is a universe full of stars and sky full of fireflies? Come to me you precious thing Bleed a dream, while you drink for me Come to me you ferocious being Sleep easy, while I drink for three Come to me you sedated thing Feed this feeling while you bleed for me Come to me you fragile being Thirst for me while I die for everything Would you still think that I was strong if I just broke down and cried cuz in the past 21 years of my life this is the first time that I’ve felt alive? Or what if I told you that a sad state of affairs would be the pinnacle of this blight but that even the darkest of nights can hide a tiny figment of sunlight? Would you trust me if I told you that I don’t feel like this that often and that my approach to things like this is to proceed with extreme caution? Or that feelings like this for me aren’t really out of the ordinary But the results of our conclusions depend entirely on the arbitrary? Does it trip you out when I talk so nonchalantly about my past And about everything in this world that made me exactly the way I am? Or does it provoke a sense of wonder or questions in your head As to how I’ve made it this far in the world with only a pen and paper to fight off the dread? Would you still want to be around me if I hadn’t dug myself out of this mess Or are you still surprised to find that after all of this I am still a wreck? And that maybe things really haven’t changed that much for me Or maybe this is just who I am really supposed to be? Come to me you precious thing Bleed a dream, while you drink for me Come to me you ferocious being Sleep easy, while I drink for three Come to me you sedated thing Feed this feeling while you bleed for me Come to me you fragile being Thirst for me while I die for everything

It was a deafening sound that brought me down A couple of hits and a night on the town Out of a couple of cans that we found on the ground I’m standing right here but I’m nowhere to be found In a city where everyone’s running a scam A scam that turned me into the scum of the land I love my parents but I know it’s hard for them to pretend That they don’t regret the idea of what I am And I’ve got a laundry list of doubts in my head But a couple of Vicodins will quiet them And if I haven’t nodded off or dropped dead Then I’ll take a few more (here’s to looking ahead) I never thought I’d live to see my twenties Hell, 19 years old even seemed scary Never wanted a family and gave up on life But you know what? (Fuck it) I’ve got this cancer in my soul that keeps the pipe cherried And a deep dark secret that remains buried And this weight on my shoulders that I continually carry As the heart in my chest continually gets weary And I’ll never go to Yale or be good at sports But I’ve dug myself out of hell to no award But the chance to take my life by the horns And finally get rid of this crown of thorns I found out how to use my pen like a sword But a pen and a paper is more than I can afford But I’ve never been one to take being ignored But I’ve also never been one to be adored This ain’t no pretty story about a good morning It’s an ugly little tale about a lot of mourning So you can take this little bit as your forewarning But I’m at a point in time where my story needs adorning I used to dance in the moonlight with a bottle of Cuervo Drank until my heart beat out of its torso Wasted time while wasted so I could find A pattern of colors that I could call mine But you’ll never be yourself when you’re somebody else Never get to heaven when you’re trapped in hell I’ve never said a prayer and actually meant it Never thought I’d waste so much time with my methods I’ve been trapped by the ruins of my former life A cellblock in a prison that never sufficed I’m the product of a wasted and faded generation Who’s stuck looking to the sky for salvation Running and running around in circles again Trying to find a god that they could befriend Trying to pretend there’s a wound that they could mend The wounds are there, there’s no need to pretend I’m picking open the scab and letting myself in I’ve never known how to say when it’s enough I’ve always been known to take on too much With that said, I’ve been known to misjudge I’ve got a bottle full of sorrows and it’s overflowing And I’m a big bad wolf trapped in sheep’s clothing Walked away from you and said “here’s to hoping” Cuz I don’t have any veins left for poking I’m a picture of accomplishment when I’m at my best But I’m a fucking asshole when I’m a wreck And I’ll take it out on the world like it’s their fault Because the world is to blame by default And that’s the hypocrisy that lives in me And on occasion it tends to bleed Although the colors in me never run red It just looks that way inside my head I’ll be a force to be reckoned with in the end On a good day I’ll think I’m heaven sent If I can just stay clean there’d be nothing to amend Cuz I want to be the man that my parents can commend You might think it’s simple but that just ain’t so I’m a walking image of the bleeding heart show Yeah, no more taking hits of blow Had to grow up, that shit had to go I wasted enough time with a bunch of assholes Sitting around a coffee table packing bowl after bowl Never in my life did I ever have a goal To be the kind of guy that people could extol There comes a time in all of our lives When we have to put an end to a chapter of our life But the book is strictly for you to write And sobriety is writing mine tonight

She’s calling; she’s calling me to dine Another word to whisper on a cold winter night But I should’ve kissed her when the time was right But her lips were made of snakes and there were diamonds in her eyes But that should suffice; I’ve been hiding from the sun in the dead of night I’ve been hiding from the world in the words that I write Trying to paint a picture of this part of my life And you are my canvas; My paintbrush is a book of matchsticks I’ll light another match to spark the fuse The light will help me paint a better picture of you With this new picture I’ll have paid my dues When all hope is lost, I am hopeless for you When I’m at my best you feel this too When I’m at my worst I am a recluse If all there is left for you to do is laugh Well then I guess that life isn’t so bad If all there is left for you to do is smile Then I hope that you’ll stick around for a while Cuz you’re a work of art in the depths of my heart With oceans of emotions abound at the start A piece of me stays with you every time we depart But a piece of you acts as the muse to my art She’s calling; she’s calling me tonight Three shots down and she thinks that she can fly And she probably could if she really tried As long as these Icarus wings stay out of sunlight She flies my heart on a string just like it were a kite It beats wearing it on my sleeve all the time It beats hiding it in my stomach every time The wolves come out just to take a bite And I wonder still if she has had her fill But I’m getting too close so I’ve gotta chill This game we play is just a test of will And it’s not always easy, so I know that it’s real But the night always brings insecurities to light So I’ve learned to stay focused and hold on tight cuz if it’s worth sticking through it then it’s worth the fight And if it’s worth the fight, then we’re both alright but when you’re at your best you’re a portrait of faith and when you’re at your worst you’re the definition of grace and I get it, sometimes you feel out of place but that’s okay, cuz sometimes I feel that way you’re the image of a goddess with the voice of an angel and i’m willing to admit I got caught in Cupid’s strangle I know reality is grim if you’re looking from the wrong angle but truth is hiding there ready to get untangled the future is up in the air, ready for inspection cuz in the end all you need is perspective and what’s life like without a little misdirection? Cuz life’s complexities formed our connection

Kill them with kindness and your favorite set of knives I’m on the warpath now with no chemicals in sight My head is a party and it’s getting crowded in here So let’s switch out the music and change up the atmosphere You’re in the back of the bus; I’m at the front of the line You’re all fucked up and I am doing just fine But I’ve got tunnel vision and you’re out of sight So fuck who you are, you just became one of my lines I invented this definitely damaged dark dialogue of deceit That creeps in your dreams while you sleep and makes you scream I am the purveyor of all of your wildest dreams and fantasies But don’t think I won’t take a machete to your opinion of me Sit down motherfucker; you think I care what you think? You’re expendable just like the rest; I’ll throw your ass out with the kitchen sink You wanted to experience the darkness within me You just put a suicide bomber in the fucking pilots seat (KAMIKAZE) People have always told me that living well is the best revenge Well this whole album is about the laundry list of shit that I can’t stand You’re just like, “Oh god, I guess Armando is pissed off again” Bitch I’ve been pissed off since I was in fucking kindergarten I have no filter; do you have a problem with that? Fuck it, to thine ownself be true, that’s why I got that tat I say what I wanna say and my psychologist promotes that fact The psychotropics can’t even quiet the angst that I have Yeah, 40 mgs of Geodon will keep me sane on the outside But on the inside the Devil and God are having a fucking bar fight And whoever wins is a product of whether I’m clean or not So far I’m an atheist, so neither side has won a thought You say I’m not a rapper You say I’m not a poet But what the fuck are you? I haven’t seen you show it There’s this condition I have that provokes me to rap I invoke the spirit of William Burroughs but without the smack That’s not to say that I’ve never been know to take a dab Shit, I’d mainline a whole gram and chill out - I was bad I know I’ve got problems, 100 for everyone of yours But I’ve turned functioning in dysfunction into a chore But people like me always keep coming back for more So I’ve made sure to close all my windows and lock all of my doors I’ve got this schizophrenic personality that never knows where it’s at And a fragile mental state always on alert to not crack I’m off that ketamine drip and back on that green tea fix It’s nice to wake up in the morning and not feel like shit Quitting was the easy part, maintaining it is the trip But if I was back on that shit you wouldn’t be hearing this mix Cuz you couldn’t get me out of bed with the jaws of life Unless it was to piss, shit, score and get high But I’m all about the struggle, it inspires the words that I write I may be a sadistic asshole but I’m doing alright And I may be manic as fuck but I’m more bark than bite But if you’re going to talk down to me you better get your facts right I don’t call you a hater, I call you a lesser form of life Cuz you’re a parasite that feeds off of other people’s plights Just to overcompensate for the emptiness you feel inside And a constant resurgence of feelings of spite But I share that struggle with you, we’re fellow soldiers in this fight I speak for those who haven’t found their way into the light Because I was on that same path and I didn’t like where it led Being strung out of my mind with not a thought in my head But now I’ve got the present of presence in the present It’s like I’ve found the essentials of ecstatic essence That still doesn’t stop my thought process from being demented But I am who I am, so you better respect it

I stood and stared straight with my Adonis eyes And never once took my eyes off of the prize She had a gun in one hand and my heart in the other She was a winter storm in a Los Angeles summer I beat the heat sitting in the window seat She sat on the driver’s side looking at me like a piece of meat Ready for the feast she was about to eat But devouring my heart was no easy feat She said “you’re just another guy that wears his heart on his sleeve” I replied, “You’re just another line in a song to me” But this isn’t how I wanted it to be She was the best part of being set free I left it up to chance and look at where it got me A sharp tongue like a knife ready to slice in deep She told me leave the music but bring the cutlery I kissed her neck and sliced open her arteries, jeez That was deep and a little dark don’t ya think? I don’t think I pay the shrink to exorcise the devils in me These motherfuckers are doing push ups now, you see My dark passenger is now in the driver’s seat And he’s got an appetite for anything that bleeds I’ve got a taste of this need that I have to feed Cuz god forbid Jeffrey Dahmer from going hungry My angst has a body count called a track listing I guess my creative side has a sadistic streak Little did you know it never left the building It was just hiding in dormancy While I quietly paid my dues with normalcy But I think this situation is escalating quickly I’m clean but my head is so fucking filthy A couple pills later and I could go down like Heath But I’m not letting your insecurities get to me But when you walked through that door I forgot how to breathe And when you talked to me I forgot how to speak I usually don’t let things like this get to me But I guess you were really someone worth losing But that still doesn’t stop me from being angry Doesn’t stop me from killing you metaphorically I need to watch you bleed through the words that I speak It’s how I deal with having to watch you leave And it’s times like these where I think I need a drink But it’s that type of thinking that leads me to ink All my scars are written down on tattered loose leafs Look no further if you want to understand my beliefs I’ll scrawl it down just for you on a post-it note “I love you dearly but you piss me off and that’s no joke” I find myself doing the strangest things to cope Like tying this mic cord around my neck until I choke But I guess when it’s all said and done it was fun Fun like the kind you get when playing with guns I guess you were really right to turn and run Cuz spelling “I love you” with knives isn’t normal, huh? But isn’t normal just another line that we say To quell the demons inside of us that keep us awake? I know there’s darkness in us that we all keep tame Cuz we don’t need the voices in our head to play the blame game Or maybe I’m just starting to lose my shit And this is my final attempt to maintain a grip On the fractured pieces of my emotional state Cuz this smile on my face is fucking fake But what did you expect from a monster in a cage? I’ll tell you what you get, pure, unadulterated rage Don’t pretend like you’re here to see me act tame You pay to see me spill my guts out on the fucking stage

This pain is secondary, I’m used to misery But what you put me through was more like a guillotine And a life without you at the time was a pipe dream But when you hung from your neck I held onto my screams The silence I purveyed tore me from the inside A license that you claimed when you came into my life And the prices that I pay for letting you get by While cutting yourself open and smirking while you died I’m at a loss for words while you’re at a loss for life And even to this day I haven’t learned how to cry I just let the pain sink and build up inside Now I’m screaming through a microphone to expose your lies You still haunt me in my dreams though I’ve paid the piper twice It’s like nothing in this world will ever suffice I’m moving mountains now with every word I write But every song still echoes you and replenishes my plight You used to call me “Casanova of the dark side” But now I’m more like Romeo who never found the light You were my Juliet who was never satisfied Now I’m hiding in the shadows and embracing the night With every song I write another piece of me dies And resurrects as you wearing a disguise I wear this cracked façade to hide my disgust Because every smile I’ve made you’ve turned into dust You had it in your head that there would always be an us But when dawn turned to dusk you nailed your coffin shut One night you realized you never wanted to wake up And the ideas you instilled in me really fucked me up You fostered this addiction like I fostered your pain And remembering that night only drives me insane I take the memories of you like a bullet to the brain I chop them down, line them up, and snort ‘em like cocaine You wore your heart on your sleeve; I wear mine at my thigh There isn’t a drug in the world that can prevent this sigh A noose around your neck was your way of saying goodbye And I’ll never forget the final look in your eyes I could never love you; I didn’t even know how to try You believed there was a better place for you in the sky But now I know there’s nothing there but a peaceful afterlife And I’ve made my peace with you; I’m glad that you died

Dear Hera, did you know that I could fly I guess those years of chasing you were a lie But I’m a lone wolf who’s always been good at goodbyes And it looks like you and I are out of time Dear Hera, did it ever cross your mind That I could really be a stand up guy? But with you when I’m high I am high And when I’m low I am six feet deep and ready to die [Chorus:] My scatter-bomb heart is armed to the teeth Ready and willing to bite the hand that feeds Cuz the hand that feeds forgot about me And a lone wolf has got to eat I’m a picture of doubt hanging on your wall A wound that you doused with alcohol Got an appetite for destruction that is ready to feast Cuz a lone wolf has got to eat Dear Hera, did those words ever touch your lips? You know, the same lines that made me sick I pleaded for you to just kill me quick But you took your time and savored every little bit Dear Hera, did you want me all to yourself? Or was I just another book on your shelf? Did you mind that my pages were all torn and frayed? Did it hurt you when I walked away? [Chorus] Dear Hera, I’m a deeper shade of blue Dear Hera, this is all thanks to you Dear Hera, do these words ring true? Dear Hera, I am so done with you Dear Hera, I’m a deeper shade of blue Dear Hera, this is all thanks to you Dear Hera, do these words ring true? Dear Hera, I am so done with you [Chorus] (x2)

I need a girl with an imbalance A bad habit like a talent Cuz all I feel is malice And I just want to feel gallant I need a stage with a microphone To keep me going strong So I don’t feel so alone So I can carry on I need a crowd to sing along With hearts on their sleeves So I can write a song For someone else but the trees I need a pen and paper To write down my reprieve Cuz life is too short To live every day so carefully I need that feeling in my chest The kind where I can’t rest That feeling you call wired I call that shit inspired I need the blood in my veins To be warm to the touch To remind me why I rap To remind me why I give a fuck I need my head to be a mess Cuz I work better with dysfunction But it leaves my life a wreck But I guess that’s how I function I need you to hold me close And tell me everything will be fine Because I’ve never been good And living through my own lines I need you to see me for who I am Friend, lover, hopelessly manic Cuz we all need a plan We can’t all be hopeless romantics I need to not be so tragic And smile a little more That doesn’t sound so drastic And doesn’t feel like a chore I need to open my eyes And learn to live a little bit Take one day at a time And not stress over stupid shit I need to take a deep breath Take a second and just rest Live life in the moment Cuz that’s all we ever get I had a girl who made me balanced A bad habit like a talent But all I felt was malice Even though she made me gallant

I dream of murder I dream of gang rapes and guerilla warfare I dream of loud explosions I dream of gunfire I dream of car bombs I dream of corpses littering the streets I dream of violence on the evening news I dream of carpet bombings I dream of grenade launchers I dream of suicide bombers I dream of rifles I dream of bloodshed I dream of torture I dream of chemical warfare I dream of chaos incarnate I dream of World War 3 I dream of a nuclear holocaust And one day my dreams will come true

Julianna, For years you have been the apple of my eye; the arbitrator of my demise. The impact you have left on my life is still visible in all aspects of my psyche. The wounds you left upon my temperament will scar me forever. You are but a permanent fixture; an immortal searing of my soul. I have lived for you and I have died for you since the evening of June 24, 2006. Because of you I am building houses on top of sand with every new relationship I have. Am I setting myself up for betrayal the way you set me up years before? Am I wasting my time only to be hurt and scorned once more? These are the things I have to consider now, Julianna. You created this lonely soul on the brink of self-destruction because that is what you were, Julianna. When was it you decided that you were too good for the world and that we no longer needed to be privileged with your presence? When was it that you decided you were so above and beyond this life that you could just so easily escape into this void? When was it that you decided to be so selfish as to remove yourself from this earth? When was it this all occurred to you, Julianna? When did these thoughts stain your subconscious and provoke action? I never loved you! I could never love you! You couldn’t even bear love yourself and now I cannot bear to love myself. You have started me on this sick cycle of self-degradation and self-mutilation. I am the product of your will and your actions alone, Julianna! However, I will not allow myself to play the part of your victim any longer. I will no longer allow the nightmares of your haunting presence to linger over me. I have done nothing wrong by you, Julianna, except to live out your will and deceit until now. You are as dead to me as you are to the world and I am washing my hands clean of your influence. Maybe one day I will meet you in the shadows of hell; but, until then you have no bearing over me anymore. Goodbye and good riddance.

I could imagine your supple, brown skin Lying on the soft white sheets of your bed I listened to the way you wept The way raindrops fall on a windowpane I heard the way your voice sounded It quivered with apprehension I noticed the subtle, slow decay That marked this fleeting feeling I felt the pain as the knife went through me It was as dull as cotton I only wonder if you feel the same Or is this feeling forgotten? I dug my nails into my skin To check if I was still alive My heart was still breathing, though So I held my chest all through the night Your sweet serenity isn’t without a catch I learned that the hardest way For I mark this moment with an elegy To note what has now passed away

I. I watched the youth of my generation fall away with the changing times Done over by love, life, and the economy from which we thrive Poisoned by the media, who deviously deceive Torn by divorce; family values have now deceased I watched the brightest and the best fall through the cracks I saw them commit to a lifestyle from which they can never go back I saw hopeless romantics torn by love and passion I heard their cries and laments go unanswered And for their descent they paid the worst price - A broken heart, an empty spirit, and a series of lonely nights I saw women and men starved for beauty, caked in make up and photo-shopped thin I saw their plastic parts armed with plastic hearts featured on the evening news I saw celebrities fall apart on the screen; Their fame and fortune just a superficial thing I saw my friends and fellow soldiers in therapy Making headway into what prevents them from sleep My generation beats the drum of a broken soul In awkward unison with their broken hearts In glorious melody with their unfulfilled potential Their glory has been stolen Their futures have been meddled with and sanity’s presence has been removed And into the dark, my generation strays; Impassive and in debt to the hierarchies of society The bastard, the addict, and the faggot unite to revel in the waste, the shit, and the spite To cry, crawl, and make their way past a sick and sordid morphine parade Where fools become gods in the eyes of a sick, withdrawn junky’s screams and sighs Past the piss-paved streets of gold that cater to the rich and disparage the rest With blood-stained breasts and bloodshot eyes and our cinema-fixed, hasty minds We hold our tongue along with our hopes and settle disputes with fabricated anecdotes To dig ourselves into a deeper grave from which we may never be saved. II. Here lies the pigeonholed generation Exceedingly exuberant despite its situation The psych meds won’t work for long; the anxiety will soon wear away Prozac, Xanax, and Seroquel will cease to exist for their means are one in the same I saw the streets of Los Angeles riddled with saints But none of them in God’s saving grace I saw the backstreets of San Francisco Where my generation roamed without direction I saw the Lower East Side of Manhattan Where the queers and poets remained vacant The forefathers of this nation are no longer Washington, Jefferson, and Franklin but instead the works of Ginsberg, Burroughs and Kerouac have become our new national monuments And the popes and presidents of our generation dissolve Into the crack addicts and prostitutes of Skid Row Defeated and reduced to inner city waste; strangled and smothered by God’s loving embrace I will both decry and defend my generation and the generations that came before And all of the things that they have done which I overtly abhor However, underneath all of the implicit transgressions lies a truth, which we should all revel in: We are the alcoholics; anonymous and God-fearing We are the junkies; hungry veins aching for an escape We are the faggots; stripped away from society We are the deranged; fed with Lithium and put away We are the liars; who know no truth but pain We are the dreamers; who spend their days dreaming in vain We are the atheists; godless and forgotten We are the pacifists; prone to passive aggression We are the depressed; sensitive to suicidal intentions We are the beat, the battered, and the broken We were shown no mercy; instead only how to blame To our dark, sadistic, and twisted minds you have created the monster you claim us to be We are one - and we are beat.