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WEIRDO: Love Songs For Revolutionary Spirits

by Social Anxiety

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released July 9, 2016

All tracks written and performed by Armando Flores Jr. (Social Anxiety) except where noted.

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Track Name: Weirdo.
I don’t fuck with the cannibalista’s, a cabalic masterpiece for the fashionista’s
Permeating through rhetorical "um, duh"'s till we’re sitting in the soup singing kumbaya
I don’t fuck for the jump with these cancerous lumps, always speak up for fear of keeping my mouth shut
Cuz when it’s said and done, it’s left to the corrupt, who’ll be the first to run when karma combusts?

Don’t want to go out like I came - naked and stuck, I’m the living embodiment of bad luck
But you keep telling me that my time is up, as if the 24 rings in me are way too much
Even shadows have shadows when they stand in the sun, didn’t know comorbidity could be this fun
Didn’t realize that made me the romantic one, like “Adam & Eve” written by the prodigal son

[Chorus:]
She said, “you’re not right in the head”
That’s the most honest she’s ever been
I’m just a weirdo I guess
She said, “don’t kid yourself, you’re the best
You’ll never be lonely again”
That’s the biggest lie she’s ever said
As I curl up alone in my bed
I’m hanging on, hanging by a thread

Once I fell in love with the hangman’s daughter and through the transitive property became a martyr
Atlas hoists the world and doesn’t need a spotter, I need all the help I can get so why do I bother?
Got a chemical imbalance treated by the white coats and a sliver of talent peekin’ through the dope show
Treadin’ water in the river to prove that hope floats, opened Pandora’s Box to grab her by the throat

I’m a king chess piece separated from his queen while rooks serenade her checkmating me
I’m the bastard son of the American Dream cuz I drive a foreign car and drink Thai Iced Tea
All fucked up cuz my parents didn’t listen enough, passed me off to the first therapist who’d come
Couldn’t see that I shine brighter than the sun, that happens when you live your life with shades on

[Chorus]

I’m a dressed up version of society’s failings, no wonder the entire fucking world hates me
And why every girl thinks that they can save me when all I wanna fucking do is sedate me
Been Elliott Smith in the worst ways lately, flirting with normalcy drives me crazy
Can’t believe I’m alone in this daydream, goddammit your smile downright played me

[Chorus] (x2)
Track Name: All F_cked Up
All fucked up
From the come up
So I’m fucked up
‘Till the suns up
Puked my guts
Into the gutter
Then took some
LSD blotter

I’m a garage band king on LSD Looking for my punk rock princess, honestly
I’m a pariah with social anxiety, there’s so little left that can bury me
Who in their right mind would marry me? I guess this is my brain on ketamine
I guess this is my brain on everything, I did all drugs and couldn’t fall asleep
You’d kill for love, I’d kill for something to eat, munchies got me feeling all sorts of things
They say I bring the beef like Burger King. Does that mean PETA’s gonna boycott me?

And I’m fucked up
So fucked up
We’re fucked up
All fucked up
Track Name: Kids On Drugs
Playing hide and seek with the kid in me, it’s been five whole days without a wink of sleep, Been playing shows in the seediest scenes, hip-hop lyrics on punk rock beats
I’m a rockstar like you’ve never seen, Kanye on acid wearin’ proper fitting jeans, Max Bemis’ post-modern rap dream, king of the new world order’s regime
Let’s see how many blame the Illuminati when I take over like the rap game Gaddafi, See how many sleep on me by chance like they came straight for the party in my pants
Convinced myself of a chemical romance, it’s really more of a pharmaceutical trance, Where my mind and body do a slow dance, while my brain cells fuck for a cash advance

[Pre-Chorus:]
And the people in the front wanna dance and the people in the middle wanna clap their hands, And the people in the back don’t give a fuck, I swear these kids are on drugs
Maybe that’s why we’re all having fun, sing along till you’ve got no air in your lungs, Today is here, tomorrow might not come so tonight we should have some fun

[Chorus:]
The kids are on drugs, kids on drugs. The kids are on drugs, kids on drugs.
The kids are on drugs, kids on drugs. The kids are on drugs, we’re all on drugs.

They sing along with me like they know what I’m saying about the drugs and sex that led to this mayhem Like they know what I mean when I say LSD. Then again, I tried acid when I was thirteen.
Was a child then, oh woe is me, was so wild then, a fucking pity party, Was a child then, parents had no idea. I was so wild then riding in black maria’s
Knew this one girl, she was a heroin junkie and the first girl to ever say that she loved me But everything culminated into nothing, when she died in June Two-Thousand-and-Something
After that I went down a path of destruction, littered with the corpses of failed seductions By women and friends too high to function and chemicals too caustic for consumption

[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]

I understand compulsions to escape every emotion with the help of some powders or a powerful potion
Tried everything twice out of naive devotion ‘till the bottle I drowned in was as deep as the ocean
But I found comfort in a crowd of captivated crazies who’ll sing along to every word I scream
So put your hands up if you’re here to get sweaty to prove the world messes can be pretty

[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus] (x3)
Track Name: I Was Killing Hipsters Before Killing Hipsters Was Cool
In the land of sinners, from a city of snakes, taught to work the room like domesticated fakes, Made in a lab by a white coat parade, son of the XY enigma, set stunners to phase
I live for the doctor to administer the lethal dose, I’d die to feel alive but that's not how it goes, Got a Gideon in the drawer and these wolves at my door and a little voice in my head settling scores
And they laugh in epitaphs when we ask for more, stranded on the same island, just on different shores, Pledged my disorders as benefits, scribbled on floors, as they played the world's smallest violin ‘till sore
Begged the universe for patience and it made me a patient, that’s the irony in a mouse flooding his own basement, Good ideas muddied by human innovation, so I've planted pipe bombs in local radio stations
Took out the fuselage to fly without gimmicks, can count on two hands the times I went past city limits With arms like cork wood for savage dependents, while pupils resembled the addict’s diminished vision
Hit heavy traffic on the road to success, so I’ve taken to drivin’ on the shoulder screamin’ “fuck it!”, You thank God, I thank my therapist cuz otherwise I’d be just another weirdo in Los Angeles

[Chorus:]
Maybe I’m just trying to piss you off, it’s a sadists way of getting off, There you go trying to call the cops, while I set fire to these fucking snobs
I’m trying to be the guy that incites these mobs, in an attempt to right all of their wrongs While you keep praying for my swan song, like this stage isn’t where I fucking belong

Who do I gotta fuck to reach sex symbol status? Labels told me it’s easier to bring my own mattress. Surrounded by fuck boys in Urban Outfitters jackets, I’d rather use rappers like these for target practice
Only co-sign I get’s geometrically active, all the scriptures I’ve read were started on napkins, Simply put I'm the tastiest cabbage in the patch, give zero gravity fucks when my flame won’t rise from the match
Uh, cuz it's hard to recreate this fission, when the landlord hides your keys in the neighbor's kitchen, Even my chasers are laced with obscenities, a side effect of bein’ the embodiment of the American Dream
Instead of listing ways that you’re not better than me, Ima just say that you’re girlfriend looks better on me, Shots fired like a goddamn AR-15. On this earth to eat, fuck, shit, rap, and sleep.
That bitches and bling shit just ain’t for me but if I start rapping ‘bout kale, kill me please, If I start wearing tight jeans, sterilize me, ddd man in the scene, the holy trinity
See everyone in the crowd staring at me, they've never seen a guero in the game spit like me, So obscene, was born with 3 X’s tatted on me, if you’re lookin’ for Mr. Clean try aisle thirteen
Falling in between hipsterdom and gangsta dreams, moderation is key so I take these pills in three’s, And these girls don’t form in lines they form in teams, which one’ll play me first, we’ll just have to see
They all want a test drive, but no one wants to keep, a few girls hurt me or so I’ve been led to believe, Truth be told, they've never gotten that close to me, my love’s an illusion, yours is a novelty

[Chorus]

Maybe I’m just trying to piss you off, I’m a sadist trying to get off, There you go trying to call the cop, while I set fire to these fucking snobs
I’m trying to be the guy that incites these mobs in an attempt to right all of their wrongs While you keep praying for my swan song like first place isn’t where I fucking belong
Track Name: Black Sheep
Black sheep, middle of the pack. What the fuck else did you expect?
It was my job to circumvent the rest and your job to put me to the test.
I come in and hide in the back so you can’t kick me where I stand.
An anxious, neurotic mess on hand disguised as a family man.

Quicksand filled with snakes. We all sink at our own pace.
Never came in first place, don’t have to remind me to my face.
Relatives that can’t relate. What the fuck can they say?
“He just never seemed to find his way. Maybe he’ll go and find god one day.”

How do you come back from that? When your family talks that smack.
I’ma go and take out the trash, an escape route out of this fast
and then get high in the back to remove me of this mass
cuz my body feels so heavy I need all the drugs stat

Okay, so let me be honest. Haven’t always been honest.
But if we’re being real here, I’ll never be flawless.
Got some shit to work on, just the same as you
But you can’t expect to get out of me what I don’t get out of you

This room's a scary place where a mind can vacate
Into an ethereal plane where delusions are ingrained
How does apathy taste? Can you put a little on my plate?
You tell me it’ll be okay but I see different on your face.

Maybe I’m just made this way. An inability to relate.
All messed up in the brain after the doctors had their way.
And maybe the point of this was that ignorance is bliss.
But if charades are what you want then charades are what you’ll get.

Don’t need your approval to come to grips, I am my own influence of varying trends
I’ve fucked up before and I’ll fuck up again, but I’ll never give up and never give in
Don’t need your permission to say I’ve made it, I am my own ignorance in the face of reason
I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again, I’ll never slow down and I’ll never fit in
Track Name: BAPHOMET 2.0
I alienated myself into a shell of someone else
Don’t ask how I fell, just find out for yourself
One day I’ll bottom out and be killed by a crowd
Who finally figured me out and didn’t like what I’m about
So for now I’ll write a song that’ll make you scream along
About where it all went wrong and why I’ll never belong
I’m constantly in doubt about myself and everyone else
Promise to put myself down before I try to sell out

This cancer is cathartic, I’m moonlighting as an artist
But really this is violence to alleviate the silence
Every road’s an escape route straight from the addict’s mouth
Buried myself and sprout - a seed that grew in a drought
Don’t even get me started, I’m not meant for the halfhearted
An acquired taste at best due to the panic in my chest
Manic with my compulsions, symptoms of my neurosis
You wanted to peer into my head, what'd you think you’d get?

I was drowning in a deep sea of denial, the end result of being a middle child
Sobriety came and stayed for awhile but it didn’t tame the thing that keeps me wild
Till Ayahuasca set my spirit free and unlinked the demons chained to me
LSD taught me to let life be and peyote made me crave the finer things
Now marijuana smoke follows me, suburban nightmares dreaming bigger schemes
said the jetset life wasn’t meant for me till I turned the industry into a murder scene
That’s what you get when you fuck with the fiercest. Take on the bull enough times, you’ll be fearless.
I’ll never ever apologize for my weirdness. If I was like you, you wouldn’t hear this.

“You’re more slept on than a mattress,” she said. That’s why girls like you keep taking me to bed.
Honest to a fault about the monsters in my head, keep you around if you silence them for a second.
If what you do doesn’t display your ethics, then what the fuck are you doing to engrain your methods?
You are only as shallow as your message and you are only as present as your presence
They said to kick rocks so I went and moved mountains until my followers went from twelve to thousands
And the traffic on the browser went from zero to countless and I became a viral epidemic of musical prowess
But I’ll never be a GOAT cuz I was born a baphomet with “try everything twice” tatted on my chest
And a tendency to take one and say fuck the rest cuz once I’ve got a diamond, I don’t need anything less
Track Name: Mary Todd Lincoln
Probably just a symptom of the antipsychotics so I’m atypical like the ones in my pocket
That’s why I’m a little off even when I’m on it the doctors say they’ll make me less neurotic
Used to be a walking pharmacy, call me CVS cuz I’ve taken every single pill that exists
To quell the monsters that hide under my bed, oh shit, I meant the monsters in my head
I’m high functioning, that’s what my therapist says cuz I can kinda hold down a job and pay rent
And don’t need the government to write me checks been told I look too normal to be schizophrenic
that's cuz I learned to hide it well and play pretend put up the facade and kept it close to my chest
Only the closest few know what’s up in my head. Well, that’s until you listen to this song I guess.

[Chorus]
Mary Todd Lincoln was a schizophrenic like me! Mary Todd Lincoln was a schizophrenic like me!
Mary Todd Lincoln was a schizophrenic like me! Mary Todd Lincoln was a -

Never lied about my condition, you just never asked. Let’s be honest, how do you ask a question like that?
If I opened with that, don’t you think you’d run fast? You say no now but I’ve been shown different in the past.
If I’m being real I’ve got my shit on lock. Delusions minimal, voices mostly turned off
Wanted truth so that’s what you got. I’m more than a diagnosis on a doctor’s comp.
I’m struggle and suffering voiced through songs but I’ve climbed mountains even when the winds were strong
Been led astray when trying to follow along so I follow no one now and lead myself beyond
Doubts and fears that come with my condition but goddammit music’s good as contrition
It’s been awhile now I’ve been in remission so I’m enjoying life outside before I return to this prison

[Chorus]

Went from ritalin rat to geodon head ‘till all psychotropics made me brain dead
But with big pharma that’s the prevailing trend, I’m only as sick as I let myself get
Down to two pills a night, that’s progress, like when cannibals started using forks I guess
Down to two pills a night, that's progress but none at all would be even better I bet

[Chorus]

John Forbes Nash was a schizophrenic like me! John Forbes Nash was a schizophrenic like me!
John Forbes Nash was a schizophrenic like me! John Forbes Nash was a -
Jack Kerouac was a schizophrenic like me! Jack Kerouac was a schizophrenic like me!
Jack Kerouac was a schizophrenic like me! Jack Kerouac was a -
Nick Blinko is a schizophrenic like me! Nick Blinko is a schizophrenic like me!
Nick Blinko is a schizophrenic like me! Nick Blinko is a -
You might be a schizophrenic like me! You might be a schizophrenic like me!
You might be a schizophrenic like me! You might be a -
Track Name: Spring Awakening, Act I: Bella Muerte
You were the figment of this fever dream, a pacific northwest vision of evergreens
A drunken night turned into something but I lack the capacity to make you a reality
Spend most of my time without you drunkenly glancing and most of my time with you failing at romancing
There must be something in between “enabler” and “savior” but I haven’t got a clue if she wants me to chase her
I’m the parody of a hopeless romantic, Voltaire's sick satire of recovering addicts
I’m tired of talking about myself, small talk’s my version of Sartre's hell
You’re a melody that keeps the world dancing, I’m a joke that keeps you laughing
We both lack the balance to stick this landing but it still might work if we’re both not standing

Tell me about your wildest dreams and how they keep you up at night constantly
Tell me about where you want to be and how no one can see the passion you bleed
Because I see it, with my own two eyes, I see it, despite your attempts to hide
That’s the sad part of being one-of-a-kind, so few can relate to a snowflakes plight

[Chorus:]
Let love guide you through the madness
Let love guide you through the silence

“What are we doing?” I asked. “Living” you said. Well living is killing me but it’s a beautiful death
Please tell me if I’m just wasting my breath cuz I’ve done it before and won’t do it again.
But I like to take chances and won’t settle for less cuz you’ve sparked a fire in me I thought was dead
Like a modern day Prometheu,. someone had stolen it but it’s back at home slightly left of my chest

Tell me the craziest things and why I should let you be with me
Tell me where you see yourself while the rest of the world destroys itself
Tell me that future includes me we’ll smash capitalism and the patriarchy
Tell me if we share dreams we’ll live our lives nurturing each other’s seeds

Tell me everything, I wanna know what makes your heart skip a beat
Tell me if it’s because of me, I want to make you smile constantly
I see you, with my own two eyes, I see you, despite your attempts to hide
That’s the sad part of being hard-to-find, the journey takes a lifetime

[Chorus]

I still see you in my triumph. Spread right through me like a virus.
You overcame me like a virus. I’m succumbing, you’re a siren.
Track Name: Spring Awakening, Act II: Hell Yeah!
Was the asshole on a pedestal who rapped so incredible
When did I get so credible to the girls on my genitals?
Got one who makes me lyrical, she keeps me spitting syllables
Who knows what this life will hold with her number in my phone?
I’m left with the one heaven behold who’s turned my heart into gold
Can’t tell if I’m in love or just stoned, all I know is that they broke the mold
I know that she is someone bold who captivates all of my soul
Now I’ve got a hand to hold while we pass into the fold

[Chorus:] (x4)
Hell yeah! I’m in love again!
Hell yeah! You’re like a drug!

Was the seedling on special in which she saw potential
Now that my flowers reached her level she’s in love with my petals
The world will call us rebels cuz we refused to settle
The world will call us devils cuz we made their minds tremble
I got lost in all her treble and the sound of twisting metal
Fell in love with the vessel that also housed her temple
Hypnotized by her fire and the way our demons wrestled
Inspired by desire. our hopes and dreams pretzeled
I feel like my soul has found its counterpart in struggle
It’s partner in this hustle to make foundations buckle
We’ll make society crumble and rise up from the rubble
Cuz the day I picked up this shovel I threw out all of my troubles

[Chorus] (x8)
Track Name: Spring Awakening, Act III: Jennifer's Song (The Ride)
Tried to find someone who could stand me ‘till I met the girl of my dreams and made her a reality
Now I’m stumbling over my anxiety cuz I hope to god she would never lie to me
I’m known to be paranoid but this time is different ‘cuz when I look in her eyes I feel my purpose
Like those were the lips I was meant to kiss, it’s like she brings out my inner romantic
And I’m awkward, manic, sometimes erratic, instead of salting my wounds she hands me a bandage
Instead of judging my demons she helps me manage ‘till the voices in my head start to sound angelic
The wars I’ve fought could be described as hellish but I would do it all again just to reach her heaven
I’d walk through lava as a frame of reference to make sure she doesn’t suffer a single second
I’d live in a pit of snakes serving a life sentence if I ever hurt her, that’d be my repentance
I’m a man of many mistakes, prone to repression but I promise I will never rely on aggression
I know I have what it takes to put a smile on your face, I don’t put it on luck, I have you on good faith
I turn into mush when you look my way, if my heart must give up, know it was yours to take

[Chorus:]
I’ll be right by your side! I’ll be right by your side! I’ll be right by your side! Along for the ride!

Do you remember when we went to the Japanese Garden surrounded by beauty that rainy days in Long Beach ensue?
You kept your eyes on the Koi Fish and bonsai trees but I kept mine on you
Do you remember the punk rock show with the bands we didn’t know the fire inside you was aglow, but I told myself to take it slow
I’m trying to be patient but you’re making me nervous just know that I think every bit of you is worth it
And if I’m going for this I’m making damn sure I’ve earned it, you only reap what you sow when you really deserve it
I’m so high off of you my mind might explode, wanna strip you down till all I can see is your soul
Imagine all of the places that we could go after I’m done playing these shows
Can only screw this up in so many ways so all I’m thinking about is kissing your face
Did you ever think you'd fall in love with a poet who'd climb mountains for you and plans to show it?
Our biology sparked this chemistry and the rest is history, I struggle to explain the psychology of what you do to me
But I can clearly see that you’ve got some super powers and I find it kismet that we have the same favorite flower
So if we’re gonna do this then let’s get to it, every time I see you my brain cues the music
And I’ve probably relied too much on emoji’s but things like that illustrate you're my queen
A Sunday brunch in Spring gave way to a fling and a fling was a key to the biggest heart I’ve seen
And I’ve seen a lot but none of it compares to you, please realize I’ll only ever sing this song for you

[Chorus] (x2)
Track Name: Houdini's Misdirection, Act I: The Ouroboros
Made a statement I can’t relate and you shoved it in my face, You said the choice was mine to make So I chose second place
While I lay down my complex intentions Retreating from provoked ambition, A fallen angel with no shot at grace But a slight tendency to save face
You’re all systematically giving me faith To pursue the verdict with unwavering haste, Searching with suburban eyes that find I’m more than the fears I’m survived by
More than anxiety I ascribe by, More than laws I apply by, Still nomadic at heart, it wasn’t a waste, Just a phase that contributed better days
Standards and practices of words and phrase Victimizing a pen to this page, I’m sure we’ve all thought of better ways To make it through the day
9 to 5 away an inevitable waste Of good energy on flat pace, I’ve certainly succumbed to similar ways So I understand the need for space
But I’ve broken down neurons with lesser intentions And hidden our romance to the negligent ethics, The perverse majority’s drowning lessons Just chalk it up to misdirection
Buried bare-backing my own benevolence And circumventing crucial crash course sessions To titillate the titans that can tease my essence, A proud few that thrive to consume my message
You asked “how’s life outside the box?” I replied, “It’s been a humbling presence living life knowing it could end mid sentence but every moment makes it worth the reverence”
Every time Mike said "smile" I listened, Smirked away the patterns of confliction, The ouroboros of addiction’s a tattered commitment So I’m turning in my submittance
Set fire to methane skies promoting indifference While crumbling interiors keep the world at distance ‘til a pair of eyes best serves my interests My words will ignite like the wings of Icarus
You’re savin’ the addict by supporting addictions, I’m growing up by learnin’ to ignore restrictions Faint reminders of fading convictions Parading truths through science fiction
Track Name: Houdini's Misdirection, Act II: Enter the Wasteland (feat. Vivian Moon)
A storyteller who can’t pick a story to tell
Should I divulge the months in heaven or years in hell
I was a book you left where few could see
A masterpiece that no one thought to read
A pigment, a figment of color on a swatch
who decided to run down the time on his clock
A fake, a joke that each comedian sought
I think the deadliest catch got caught
In a desert of eden, wasteland of thought
Found fountains of youth in a burial plot
Can’t stand to watch a snake eat itself
Can’t stand to breathe through someone else
There’s no shelter in the desert, I need to build
A fortress of remnants made of broken will
And collected pieces that will complete the guilt
Cuz I haven’t spent enough time trying to have my fill

Wake up, work,
Go home, eat, sleep, repeat
Wish I never had to hide from you
Wake up, get high,
Fuck, eat, sleep, repeat
Wish I never had to hide from me

[Vivian:]
Fucked is the fixture, stuck anxiety
Trust is no cover so what's priority?
Aim for the thickest biggest bag of tricks
To get by or forward in a mass of broken shit
You don’t know me I don’t know you either
Slipping principles, we could turn into believers
of pleasure, plastic, refurbished and sold,
broke to the burn, religiously told.
Feelings from earth become ash inside the urn
Feeling dead yet as you step head first
Synced to the silence as you think bread first
Survival's worst, feeling collateral thirst.
To stay is the end but what's ends without purpose,
Losing the race or racing past for the worthless.
Eye on the prize but see it already blinds
Fucked is the fixture, give it some mind.
Track Name: Houdini's Misdirection, Act III: The Anxiety
This message is a warning
Be careful in the morning
When your demons start swarming
They’re at the floodgates forming
Fight or flight is the state of mind
Just a part of the daily grind
Where life hits you from each side
And tells you to take it in stride
Blown these second chances
A cat on his ninth life
Pirouette through failed romances
Cuz love cuts like a knife
Abstract in my advances
The irony of it is rife
With lasting circumstances
Anxiety’s my wife

Silhouette of a man in transit
With the habits of an addict
I’ve hidden away my magic
There are flowers in the attic
I’m making love to madness
To compensate for life’s flatness
Cuz you only delay the blackness
By perfecting your practice
So here’s to the fellow miscreants who failed the challenge
And settled for the lesser evils of a 9 to 5 package
It comes with alcohol to temporarily relieve the static
A small perk for a life that continually remains stagnant

I’m succumbing to every succubus’ sacrificial sanction
While silencing any sacred superficial satisfactions
I’m auctioning off all these anxiously acidic assassins
To make way for a marriage of masochistic masses
I’m delivering doubts upon these darkly dreaming delusions
In a last ditch attempt to avoid a suicidal ballot
Is it crazy to think the world’s responsible for my madness
Or did I just succumb after years of practice?

Now I write litanies for critics to ravage
And parents who hope that I keep the Sabbath
And a select few who can see past my damage
And still smile at me while offering a bandage
Maybe happiness is about learning to manage
Necessary evils as more than extra baggage
Maybe if I show them I’m up to the challenge
The sickness in my stomach will eventually vanish
Track Name: Houdini's Misdirection, Act IV: A List of Necessary Evils (feat. PsydeShow)
It’s these thoughts that keep me buried in the blackest of places
Hey baby, can’t you see I’m a plague of the ancients?
In this life I have worn masks of a million faces
But I’m just like everyone else - wearied and anxious
These catacombs echo the thoughts of a thousand dead
But all the corpses and skeletons hang out in my head
Hey baby, can’t you see that I’m still cold and catatonic
With a flow and vocabulary that borders on neurotic
You sold me euthanasia with the hopes I’d be your savior
But I’m no son of god; I wasn’t born in a manger
Hey baby, can’t you see that I’m still battling death spells?
Even when I’m happy, my head is still a living hell
I’ve settled for a life that distracts me from myself
The thoughts that keep me up at night leave me overwhelmed
I’m the better part of valor painted a shade of pallor
You’ve turned me pallid as we watched the summer rain showers

I found a devil when I dug way down deep
It turns out this whole time he lived inside of me
I found the poet that was searching for sleep
He was clinging to the words that paranoia freed
I’ve walked this fine line between death and sobriety
And it didn’t get me anything but notoriety
Painted the sky red with angered threats
But what does it mean when life is the only road left?
I’ve tried so hard to get to the bottom of me
But I’m like quicksand; there is no end underneath
You all keep trying to tell the world I sing
But I don’t sing I scream until my throat bleeds
Hey baby, can’t you see I’ve made a mess of me?
But if I’m a sinner you must be my christening
Got the darkest of habits and a pen that ravages
It composes symphonies that fight like savages
My heart is a sepulcher where angels roam
Keeping watch over the demons you turned to stone
There’s beauty in the chaos that constitutes my mind
But my head is battlefield scarred with landmines
Happiness is a warm gun filled with blanks
And there’s a pain in my chest where my heart got shanked
Accompanied by the noise of one thousand engines
And television static that can alter perceptions
I will make the earth quake while you all sit and pray
Cuz you’ve never ever heard music done this way
The distortion in my head is a symptom I crave
And the delusions in my mind keep me enslaved

But at the end of the day everything is okay
‘cause you calmed the voices that led me astray
With a flick of the wrist you brushed away my pain
Because we both know that agony is so passe
Track Name: Houdini's Misdirection, Act V: Hopeful
Wish I had been a better brother
Wish I had been a better son
Wish I had been a better lover
Wish I didn’t always run

Wish I could write the perfect song
That could take away your pain
Wish I could undo all the wrong
And put a smile on your face

Wish I could sing you to sleep
At the end of the day
So I can populate your dreams
and always be on your brain

Wish we could run away
To an exotic island getaway
Where no one can pronounce our names
To spend the rest of our days

Wish we could spend today
Travel the city in my station wagon
We’ll make it to where the city lights fade
and finally experience the magic

Wish I didn’t have these reclusive tactics
The mind of a god and body of an addict
Wish I didn’t have all this baggage
Carry the weight of the world out of habit

[Chorus:]
It’s so simple if you make it so
You will find all you need if you learn to let go, oh oh oh
Everything’s so random and out of control
But I’m taking my chances and feeling hopeful, oh oh oh

Been driving three weeks with the service light on
Got money in the bank but never seems to be enough
Got a girl on my mind that words fail to describe
Still Mr. Right Now but one day I’ll be Right
Got some close friends and higher destinations in sight
Come along with me if you’re down to take flight
There’ll never be enough time if you see life through those eyes
So let’s just get up and go for a ride
We’ll take to the street and see where our futures lie
I’m kind of hoping yours and mine can intertwine
Spent half of my life sedated through vice
But even the ugliest caterpillars become butterflies
Serenade you in silence with a nod of compliance
Fill you with serenity to drive out the violence
Fell in love with your smile and the way you try to hide it
If you stick around for awhile we can try this
I'm everything I've been and all that you'll let me be
I know there's way more in you than you let the world see
I'll be patient I promise, like you were with me
cuz I don't want to chain you down I want to set you free
Cuz you shouldn’t claim a seed as a property
Something that blossoms should be free with the breeze
So when it comes to you I’ll be as cool as the seats
In the stadiums when I get them on their feet

Wish I didn’t tear myself down at the fabric
Mind and body of a hopeless romantic

[Chorus] (x3)
Track Name: Houdini's Misdirection, Act VI: Closer
I can count the times I’ve felt alive
On outstretched hands aiming for the light
Spring awoke me with her permissive eyes
Till each of our roots became entwined
Patiently waiting to make her mine
and done plotting my own demise
In this inferno there’s a busy signal on the line
That tells me everything will be alright
So I’m broken, what else is new?
This ouroboros of mine is old news
You saw past scars till stars aligned
I stared into your soul with my third eye
Was I right to think they’d never take me alive?
Was I right to hide my light from those who don’t deserve my might?
Was I right to hide my shine from their sensitive eyes
Cuz staring into the sun will make you go blind?

[Chorus:]
Don’t let them tell you you’re not beautiful
Don’t let them sell you on the disputable
Don’t let them tell you this isn’t doable
Don’t let them sell you on life in a cubicle

They said, “try not to sink,
still waters run deep”
So every song I sang
Rang out like a symphony
Dove deep for the devil in me
Till I unearthed an angel under the debris
I love the way she makes my heart sing
Over the sound of a guitar’s scream
I love the way she taps into my heart beat
And makes my pen bleed with ink
Surrounded by these attractive hues
All while trying to balance my views
Patient despite all of the abuse
The world has lent their hands to
I’m in love with the idea of a muse
Those before you were just a ruse
I’m in love with the concept of paying dues
For a life in which I have everything to lose

[Chorus] (x2)

This is for the girl that brought me to life
And this is for the crowd that helps me thrive
This is for everyone searching for the light
One day you’ll see you were it the whole time
This is for the parents who doubted my might
And the siblings who will never admit I’m right
This for every word that cut like a knife
And exposed my pirouetting insides
This is for every right I see worth the fight
The battle was theirs but the war is mine
This is for every star that burned out bright
If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t know how to shine
This is for every dream I willed to life
And for every idea that I never let die
This for every road that veered off to the right
And led me straight to this stage tonight

[Chorus] (x2)