Name: Barbiturates, Pt. 1
Duration: P00H04M21S
Description: About my struggles with cluster headaches and the medicine I'm forced to take to alleviate the pain. Also refers to my tendency to disappear from people and fully alienate myself from the outside world.

Barbiturates, Pt. 1

from The E.P.'s of S.A., Vol. 3 by Social Anxiety

	/

Streaming + Download

Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

Purchasable with gift card

name your price
Buy the Full Digital Album

about

About my struggles with cluster headaches and the medicine I'm forced to take to alleviate the pain. Also refers to my tendency to disappear from people and fully alienate myself from the outside world.

lyrics

There's a blue devil on one shoulder, a bluebird on the other
One tells me what to do; the other sings me a tune
The blues, her melodies paint me blue
As I enjoy the view from a windowless room
I'm trapped, but it's not what you think
I just wear this apathy like a wedding ring
And I write to distance myself from feelings
Hide in these metaphors cuz the truth cuts too deep
As I sink into this chair these walls begin to bleed
They gush out every hope and fear from tattered memories
And I'm scribbling down saddened thoughts, sick fantasies
Alienating everyone who's ever believed in me
Everything collides always seems to be the motif
A success story is never what it seems
And if every song I write comes off like a eulogy
Am I romanticizing my death or writing my reprieve?

[Chorus] (x2)
Fighting deep with the devil in me
I’m begging you to medicate me
Fighting deep with the devil in me
I’m digging my grave six feet deep

I’m alive, but I swear I’m barely breathing
A swarm of yellow jackets keeps me reeling
And I’m a downer; I guess you are what you eat
An insomniac in a never-ending quest for sleep
But if I make it to tomorrow, they will make me a king
I'm like William S. Burroughs to the junkies and freaks
I'm a big, bad wolf to the right kind of sheep
A paranoid schizophrenic with a skewed set of beliefs
And if every song I write is in a leering key it’s
Cuz no one makes it out alive, that includes me
I’d like to say I’m alright but it’s getting hard to breathe
I’m slipping in between, forgot how many pills deep
Fighting to stay alive is an ironic thing
Cuz everyone else thinks it should come naturally
A couple pills more and I could have been a tragedy
What the hell would my brother think if he found me?

[Chorus] (x2)

It all looks picturesque and bright from the outside
But on the inside I’m feeling decrepit and trite
I understand your pain because it’s also mine
This alienation is a symptom of the bright lights
These feelings aren’t new; they’ve been growing within me
I never asked the be lauded, my outlook is too bleak
I tried to control this habit, instead it controlled me
I’m trying to stay positive but I’m struggling

[Chorus] (x4)

credits

from The E.P.'s of S.A., Vol. 3, released July 6, 2015
Music, lyrics, production: Armando Flores Jr. (Social Anxiety)
Phone call: Emily Anne Bojorquez

license

about

Social Anxiety Los Angeles, California

contact / help

Contact Social Anxiety

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this track or account

If you like Social Anxiety, you may also like:

Out To Sea
by Chris Orrick

featured on Bandcamp Radio Apr 23, 2019
go to album
Instinctive Drowning
by Chris Orrick

Produced by Ill Poetic, the Michigan rapper's latest album takes a hard look at depression and alcoholism. Bandcamp New & Notable Aug 19, 2016
go to album
People of Today
by The 1978ers (yU & Slimkat)

A perfect brew of jazz and soul rides atop a solid selection of beats by a duo who spin a positive and wise yarn. Bandcamp New & Notable Nov 13, 2014
go to album
JOURNEYS. / SOUL INNERMISSION.
by Tobi the Prodigy

featured on Bandcamp Radio Jun 2, 2023
go to album
The Evolution Of Consciousness
by Abstract Sekai

Zambian rapper and producer Abstract Sekai fuses golden era hip-hop with ambient sound design and a heady cosmic philosophy. Bandcamp New & Notable Jan 17, 2023
go to album
now all i do is smile:).
by Tobi the Prodigy

featured on Bandcamp Radio Oct 20, 2022
go to album
KISSES OF LIFE
by mary sue

The latest from Singapore rapper/producer enlists a bevy of gifted MCs for a rich & expansive rap LP that explores the idea of mortality Bandcamp New & Notable Feb 6, 2022
go to album