It was a deafening sound that brought me down
A couple of hits and a night on the town
Out of a couple of cans that we found on the ground
I’m standing right here but I’m nowhere to be found
In a city where everyone’s running a scam
A scam that turned me into the scum of the land
I love my parents but I know it’s hard for them to pretend
That they don’t regret the idea of what I am
And I’ve got a laundry list of doubts in my head
But a couple of Vicodins will quiet them
And if I haven’t nodded off or dropped dead
Then I’ll take a few more (here’s to looking ahead)
I never thought I’d live to see my twenties
Hell, 19 years old even seemed scary
Never wanted a family and gave up on life
But you know what? (Fuck it)
I’ve got this cancer in my soul that keeps the pipe cherried
And a deep dark secret that remains buried
And this weight on my shoulders that I continually carry
As the heart in my chest continually gets weary
And I’ll never go to Yale or be good at sports
But I’ve dug myself out of hell to no award
But the chance to take my life by the horns
And finally get rid of this crown of thorns
I found out how to use my pen like a sword
But a pen and a paper is more than I can afford
But I’ve never been one to take being ignored
But I’ve also never been one to be adored
This ain’t no pretty story about a good morning
It’s an ugly little tale about a lot of mourning
So you can take this little bit as your forewarning
But I’m at a point in time where my story needs adorning

I used to dance in the moonlight with a bottle of Cuervo
Drank until my heart beat out of its torso
Wasted time while wasted so I could find
A pattern of colors that I could call mine
But you’ll never be yourself when you’re somebody else
Never get to heaven when you’re trapped in hell
I’ve never said a prayer and actually meant it
Never thought I’d waste so much time with my methods
I’ve been trapped by the ruins of my former life
A cellblock in a prison that never sufficed
I’m the product of a wasted and faded generation
Who’s stuck looking to the sky for salvation
Running and running around in circles again
Trying to find a god that they could befriend
Trying to pretend there’s a wound that they could mend
The wounds are there, there’s no need to pretend
I’m picking open the scab and letting myself in
I’ve never known how to say when it’s enough
I’ve always been known to take on too much
With that said, I’ve been known to misjudge
I’ve got a bottle full of sorrows and it’s overflowing
And I’m a big bad wolf trapped in sheep’s clothing
Walked away from you and said “here’s to hoping”
Cuz I don’t have any veins left for poking
I’m a picture of accomplishment when I’m at my best
But I’m a fucking asshole when I’m a wreck
And I’ll take it out on the world like it’s their fault
Because the world is to blame by default
And that’s the hypocrisy that lives in me
And on occasion it tends to bleed
Although the colors in me never run red
It just looks that way inside my head
I’ll be a force to be reckoned with in the end
On a good day I’ll think I’m heaven sent
If I can just stay clean there’d be nothing to amend
Cuz I want to be the man that my parents can commend
You might think it’s simple but that just ain’t so
I’m a walking image of the bleeding heart show
Yeah, no more taking hits of blow
Had to grow up, that shit had to go
I wasted enough time with a bunch of assholes
Sitting around a coffee table packing bowl after bowl
Never in my life did I ever have a goal
To be the kind of guy that people could extol
There comes a time in all of our lives
When we have to put an end to a chapter of our life
But the book is strictly for you to write
And sobriety is writing mine tonight