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To My Dearest Julianna [Bonus Track]

from The E​.​P​.​'s of S​.​A​.​, Vol. 1 by Social Anxiety

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Off of the 2011 spoken word EP "Do You Figure?" released under the stage name Social Anxiety.

lyrics

Julianna,
For years you have been the apple of my eye;
the arbitrator of my demise.
The impact you have left on my life
is still visible in all aspects of my psyche.
The wounds you left upon my temperament
will scar me forever.
You are but a permanent fixture;
an immortal searing of my soul.

I have lived for you and I have died for you
since the evening of June 24, 2006.
Because of you I am building houses on top of sand
with every new relationship I have.
Am I setting myself up for betrayal
the way you set me up years before?
Am I wasting my time only to be hurt
and scorned once more?
These are the things I have to
consider now, Julianna.

You created this lonely soul on the brink of self-destruction
because that is what you were, Julianna.
When was it you decided that you were too good for the world and
that we no longer needed to be privileged with your presence?
When was it that you decided you were so above and beyond this life
that you could just so easily escape into this void?
When was it that you decided to be so selfish
as to remove yourself from this earth?
When was it this all occurred to you, Julianna?
When did these thoughts stain your subconscious and provoke action?

I never loved you!
I could never love you!
You couldn’t even bear love yourself
and now I cannot bear to love myself.
You have started me on this sick cycle
of self-degradation and self-mutilation.
I am the product of your will
and your actions alone, Julianna!
However, I will not allow myself
to play the part of your victim any longer.
I will no longer allow the nightmares of your haunting presence
to linger over me.
I have done nothing wrong by you, Julianna, except
to live out your will and deceit until now.
You are as dead to me as you are to the world
and I am washing my hands clean of your influence.
Maybe one day I will meet you in the shadows of hell; but,
until then you have no bearing over me anymore.
Goodbye and good riddance.

credits

from The E​.​P​.​'s of S​.​A​.​, Vol. 1, released December 8, 2014
Music, lyrics, & vocals: Armando Flores Jr. (Social Anxiety)

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Social Anxiety Los Angeles, California

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