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Tonight I Watched a Man Die In My Arms

from Love + Other Drugs by Social Anxiety

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lyrics

I’ve been searching for a purpose
You were searching for something perfect
I’ve been searching for a purpose
You were searching for something perfect

I’m a testament to the shattered shards of glass
You left behind as your make-up façade cracked
A filler in time, your whole life began to unwind
I can’t get this right no matter how much I rewind
The tape, I’ve played it back so many fucking times
I’m still following this crime hoping the killer is fine
But there’s a part of me that died inside
When I found out you didn’t make it out alive
And here I am, I guess I’m alive and well
But you’re a sorceress and I am under your spell
You tried to make the most out of your barbiturate high
Never knowing that the end for you was nigh
The best and the brightest tend to lose their minds
When they see something worth opening their eyes
But nowadays all I’m trying to do is close mine
Because I see too much and it kills me inside
And there you are, a memory of a better time
When a foolish boy looked like a god in your eyes
And those eyes glowed grey in the sunshine
But you’re past the point of being revived
And I’m past the point of getting over your slight
I still remember you riding away that night
Now all that’s left is just a figment in my head
But I suppose some things are better left unsaid

Now I’m all choked up because of what happened
I’ve left a body count behind my drug addiction
Another victim to claim, another friend I’ve left
Leaving gets easier when you make it a habit
Every beautiful word I’ve said has been plagiarized
From the devil inside that provokes these words to life
Another pill to take, another mountain to climb
I’ve become so numb from these blood-soaked lies
You will know me by the trail of dead I’ve left behind
But the Remeron keeps my lizard brain polarized
The only thing I know how to do right is survive
But I suppose it’s a skill that keeps me alive
And I suppose you were the one who could’ve made it all right
But you were the same one who found comfort in a cold knife
Pressed against your flesh, you’re pressed against mine
We do what we can to make it through the night
I always knew your type, you were ride or die
I just didn’t know you’d really be this uptight
And I keep searching for a place in this world despite
The better part of me knowing things won’t be alright
So now I just try to get out of my head when I write
But I keep writing about all those who gave up on life
As if the memory of their demise would really suffice
Or maybe I’m just avoiding becoming another one of
My own lines, that shit happens all of the time
When I just try to make my own planets align
If I said I’d surrendered control I’d be lying
I’ve surrendered nothing to no one this whole time
Except the will to drive off of the cliffside
With your hand in mine, we talked about it all the time
On love and other drugs lying side by side
When our reason to use was just to get by
But I’ve grown since that time and the time you died
I’ve made a mountain out of the mud the universe supplied
I’m the captain of this ship and I’m steering it right
My passion bleeds through the words that I write
If this pen could light a fire the whole world would ignite
And revel in the darkness that I bring to light
Some people are born to stay grounded; others take flight
And I am aiming for the stars tonight

credits

from Love + Other Drugs, released February 27, 2014

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Social Anxiety Los Angeles, California

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