I sold you suicide for a rip off price Bathed you in lies so you wouldn’t survive Lowered your highs so you couldn’t thrive Filled you with lows so you wouldn’t suffice But you came at me like a lunatic with a knife Armed and ready to fight for your life Because my pessimism is rife I should’ve just tried to abate your strife I blame myself for your own blight You wanted someone to last the night Someone to hold you close and say everything’s fine Because everything was always far from fine Believe me, I wanted to be that guy But sherm took a hold of both of our lives And turned us into skeletons brought to life By the embalming fluid that got us high I’m a shell of myself hung from neon lights On my heart reads a no vacancy sign But you ignored that fact when you came inside And turned my world inside out that night I only wish I could’ve held on a little longer Maybe then you wouldn’t be lyrics in a song or Halfway between dead and gone or A poster child for drug use gone wrong You’re a human with survival intentions With a cancer in you spreading like an infection I’m humane with my brand new methods Hellbent on understanding our misdirection I’m sorry for always leading you on I’m sorry for letting you get caught up in that storm But my sorry’s are getting old and worn And the fabric between you and I is torn

There’s this monster that lives under my bed But he’s really just an idea that lives in my head From all the doom and gloom that causes me to twitch This music is like chicken soup for the sick… Go home little boy, this lifestyle is a ploy You’ve made your bed, time to sleep in it boy I’m erratic and dramatic and adjusting to bad habits When I give you a chance to quell this madness It’s habitual, insurmountable, and unaccountable When I try to unravel the past and all it counted for What is it that I adore? Love is the only thing that I implore for I’ve spent my time moving forward While taking three steps back towards the door And if I take another four steps more I know which end I’m heading towards To my bitter demise, under a pale blue sky I met my end in her brown eyes And if I must say, it’s a fitting way to die Halfway through a seventeen mile drive When all you wanted to do was embrace the night With good company and a jar of moonshine But isn’t it just like me to focus on the past? When I known damn well there’s no going back I’ve been looking for someone to cut me some slack But I guess there’s no one who’s up for the task My antics are frantic when I try to reinvent the static And turn it into music to soothe my panic But I swear I’m drastically demanding in my tactics When I don’t resort to being sycophantic But leave it to me to come off as romantic When this darkness embeds all of my actions You asked me, “How long will we be alone?” I replied, “Until you’ve really learned to let go” You found comfort in the wisdom of a gentle soul With the capacity to make his agony show My arms are the place where bleeding hearts go To find the seeds of compassion that I have sown Little did I know, there was always room to grow Despite all of the inner workings of my woe And woe is me, I’m a living tragedy At least that’s what I’ve led myself to believe I keep coming apart at the seams for the world to see But everyone who watches just ignores my pleas My life is anti-climactic – I’m the sum of my bad habits When I put my pain into words it comes out like magic But when I’m at my worst it’s little more than a distraction And when I’m at my best I am bleeding with passion I’m a liar who carries around honest intentions A teacher exploring never before seen methods You’ve got some scars you’ve failed to mention? We’ve all been through hell in our own dimension I keep holding on to an idea of what never was The fall from this height feels like a crush I swear I’d do anything to just fall in love But I keep avoiding the inevitable plunge And that kind of fear is inherent in me Every living creature dies alone it seems I’ve been known to write messages that come out depressing In an effort to keep your eyes from undressing me Because letting you get close is something to avoid Now tell me what’s left of me that I haven’t destroyed? I keep painting my life through words in a different hue While everyone around me bows out and bids adieu If I thought this were hopeless I wouldn’t go below this I keep trying to recreate a sort of bliss that I’ve imploded And I’m one part awkward; two parts manic When I’m itching for these songs to come out organic But I know this feeling in my chest won’t leave so easily Because the heart in me started to corrode recently It just doesn’t work when I try to control everything But nowadays I’d like to think I’m on the upswing I’m a master of the art of knowing when to disappear But I’d be a fool to think that I am in the clear You’ve been searching for someone whose meanings were sincere But I’m just fighting for the chance to finally cohere Cuz all I ever wanted was to feel like I belonged But now all I want to do is get up and move on The bitterest parts of me keep coming out in songs In a last ditch effort to make them move along

She was the seed of this ghost town, broke down and choked up With a scar across her jugular from when she got her throat cut But she was beautiful, make no doubt about it But her addictions ran together, she couldn’t live without them This is the story of Beauty and the Low-life A stones-throw vice confessional about a cold knife She hailed from the city of fallen angels and broken glass But all the drugs in the world can’t fix a broken past He saw the sky in her eyes, but why was it raining all the time? He tried to delay her demise, but that was a mountain no man could climb He saw her die inside, and he tried to abide by her cries But he spiraled downward too and there went his life He tried to be her knight in shining armor but the armor rusted From the amount of vodka drank and PCP he dusted He laid down next right to her when she slapped the patch on The both of their thighs and that’s when they said so long She became a skeleton for hire, without a thought to inspire He became her enabler, a victim of her life on the wire She was a starving artist, anorexia was her canvas He painted his sins with a needle stretched out on their mattress She was the Queen of Hearts, and fentanyl tore her apart He looked for every reason to depart, so sore was his heart She played the game and lost, she cried herself to sleep He lifted off without her, trying to escape this pipe dream She hated her life, oh what became of this beauty queen He resigned to their demise, and just gave up without fighting She left this planet without a thought engulfed in a phencyclidine dream He couldn’t manage his pain without swallowing his greed She ruminated on their love, and where it went astray He tried to bring her back to life, but she was much too far away She was too far out of this world, she left without a trace He lost sight of her, and so he fell quietly out of place

How many angels can you fit on matchstick? Six lucky figures from a Jesus juice habit She was a pretty girl, was told all her life Everything came free; vanity was her vice All she got for Christmas was a Vicodin kick Spent New Years Eve amongst her vomit and shit Spent Valentine’s Day looking for replacements But ended up huffing paint in her mom’s basement She went back to Vicodin later that night Hydrocodone sickness is habit that bites After the storm came the petrichor The thing about Vicodin is you always want more She went to the doctor and stole some scripts And eventually got caught forging it She ended up getting two years in Chino But she didn’t learn a goddamned thing though [Chorus:] (x2) One pill to calm me down Two pills to drown you out Three pills to remove the doubt Four pills to even me out How many pills can you fit in your mouth? Hers was a fire that could not be doused She fell in love with her habit out of spite To spit on everyone she loved with all her might She caught my attention at a burner party She dug me cuz she thought I was artsy I fell for her enchanted sense of style And the pills in her pocket held me over for a while But I wasn’t down to get involved in her games But the pills in her hand were calling my name I kept her company out of shame Cuz the pills she supplied kept me tame But then her habit got out of control The hospital became her second home I walked away when she tried to bring me down Two weeks later she upped and left town [Chorus] (x4) (x4) She was waiting for the day it would no longer rain But the pills in that bottle kept calling her name Her habit was like an eternal flame Tried to help but not everyone can be saved

She wrote me a song to save for a rainy day But the chords that came out all faded away She sang a tune of respiratory depression A ballad of succumbing to the spirits succession I tried to vibe with her life to little or no avail But after a shot or two her mind set sail For a vacant space on the astral plain A world where her vices didn’t need to abstain I was just a fellow passenger on this ride Addiction is a nice way of saying you’ve lost your mind But don’t we all lose it from time to time? It’s the only way to make our highs seem more sublime She was drunk off love like it came in glass Little did she know these feelings don’t last The sickness in her stomach was a symptom of the past That she tried to run from but not so fast She wrote me a song to save for a rainy day But the chords that came out all faded away She sang a tune of respiratory depression A ballad of succumbing to the spirits succession I tried to vibe with her life to little or no avail But after a shot or two her mind set sail For a vacant space on the astral plain A world where her vices didn’t need to abstain Her heart was a chamber filled with denial Chained to the wall like her spirit was on trial Time in time out, she was the pinnacle of doubt Getting drunk off Grey Goose until she blacked out I asked her where she got the sores around her mouth She said she was “just trying to get by downtown But five dollars will only get you far these days Especially when you’re itching for a lasting fade” She wrote me a song to save for a rainy day But the chords that came out all faded away She sang a tune of respiratory depression A ballad of succumbing to the spirits succession I tried to vibe with her life to little or no avail But after a shot or two her mind set sail For a vacant space on the astral plain A world where her vices didn’t need to abstain At the age of 23 she contracted AIDs From a drunken night spent in downtown LA With a guy who got more for than what he paid I know her story is already sounding cliché But she still hasn’t hit the bottom of that bottle She’s still drinking her tequila shots full throttle You think she would’ve learned her lesson by now But what has she got left to care about?

I’ve been searching for a purpose You were searching for something perfect I’ve been searching for a purpose You were searching for something perfect I’m a testament to the shattered shards of glass You left behind as your make-up façade cracked A filler in time, your whole life began to unwind I can’t get this right no matter how much I rewind The tape, I’ve played it back so many fucking times I’m still following this crime hoping the killer is fine But there’s a part of me that died inside When I found out you didn’t make it out alive And here I am, I guess I’m alive and well But you’re a sorceress and I am under your spell You tried to make the most out of your barbiturate high Never knowing that the end for you was nigh The best and the brightest tend to lose their minds When they see something worth opening their eyes But nowadays all I’m trying to do is close mine Because I see too much and it kills me inside And there you are, a memory of a better time When a foolish boy looked like a god in your eyes And those eyes glowed grey in the sunshine But you’re past the point of being revived And I’m past the point of getting over your slight I still remember you riding away that night Now all that’s left is just a figment in my head But I suppose some things are better left unsaid Now I’m all choked up because of what happened I’ve left a body count behind my drug addiction Another victim to claim, another friend I’ve left Leaving gets easier when you make it a habit Every beautiful word I’ve said has been plagiarized From the devil inside that provokes these words to life Another pill to take, another mountain to climb I’ve become so numb from these blood-soaked lies You will know me by the trail of dead I’ve left behind But the Remeron keeps my lizard brain polarized The only thing I know how to do right is survive But I suppose it’s a skill that keeps me alive And I suppose you were the one who could’ve made it all right But you were the same one who found comfort in a cold knife Pressed against your flesh, you’re pressed against mine We do what we can to make it through the night I always knew your type, you were ride or die I just didn’t know you’d really be this uptight And I keep searching for a place in this world despite The better part of me knowing things won’t be alright So now I just try to get out of my head when I write But I keep writing about all those who gave up on life As if the memory of their demise would really suffice Or maybe I’m just avoiding becoming another one of My own lines, that shit happens all of the time When I just try to make my own planets align If I said I’d surrendered control I’d be lying I’ve surrendered nothing to no one this whole time Except the will to drive off of the cliffside With your hand in mine, we talked about it all the time On love and other drugs lying side by side When our reason to use was just to get by But I’ve grown since that time and the time you died I’ve made a mountain out of the mud the universe supplied I’m the captain of this ship and I’m steering it right My passion bleeds through the words that I write If this pen could light a fire the whole world would ignite And revel in the darkness that I bring to light Some people are born to stay grounded; others take flight And I am aiming for the stars tonight

We re-entered the atmosphere and ignited into flames I thought our heavenly bond might keep things the same But I guess I was wrong, because everything changed Cuz the astral plain continued to call out our names However, you and I were both eons apart it seems I lived in a fairytale; you lived in a wounded dream But nothing matters when you’re a part of the murder scene We’re all just ants in comparison to the grander scheme So here we exist; another sad story to tell I left you alone to deal with your summer spent in hell A k-hole compromised to sedate your own sad life A friendship comprised of chemicals we had inside And here I am, another sequenced pattern of vice Please believe I would’ve done anything that sufficed But you got caught in a riptide I just couldn’t fight It helped you commit to your most elegant slight I’ve spent some time alone to get used to this blight I’m rotting to the core can I please get some light? I’ve got a sinking feeling in my stomach; it says I’m trite I just want you to know that everything will be alright And there you are, just a shell of your former self You’re just tattered remains stored somewhere on a shelf It took me twenty and half years to act like myself It’ll take you another twenty and a half to find yourself Welcome to another rainy day spent with the scum of LA Our friendship was a photo that fades as soon as you look away Our memories return as you come out of your hallucinated daze I hope that all you’ve done to yourself is just a passing phase I can’t wait around for you to rescind your steady demise I’m looking to one day mean the world to the right pair of eyes But I no longer need to be enveloped by your web of lies I held on for as long as I could but fucking Christ – Leaving never gets easy but it’s getting impossible to stay Look at the fabric of our friendship, it’s all torn and frayed You jumped into the abyss with both feet and said “anchors aweigh” But I won’t be another victim for the K-Hole to claim Can’t you see that I keep growing while you just stay the same? I wanted us to grow together but you were playing a different game If this is love, it hurts so much and the pros are way overplayed The cons keep pulling you down and now you just can’t be saved

I left this world in the back of a hearse Kissed death on her lips like we were cursed You wanted to jump, I said, “I’ll go first” Wrote my suicide note in the form a verse This is the essence of depravity I’ve caught onto the inconsistencies of reality Made my way through the muck and the mire And discovered the products of my desire I’m in close proximity to insanity My delirium is rooted deep in my vanity You can touch me all you want but I’m not really there You can scream all you like but in the end no one cares I’m just a patient traveler of the astral plain The devil and god are raging inside of my brain You weren’t looking for love, just someone to blame I’m not down for being your patsy today Our robotussin eyes matched our liquored up lies I only did what I had to do to survive Armed with cough syrup to tranquilize your drive The only way to escape this life is to get high or die That’s what you said when the cards were stacked against You and I, we were like Bonnie & Clyde on Dextromethorphan The voices in my head sound like the chorus of the dead We had a secret to hide; I think it’s time to show them This is me wrapped up in all of my greed and insincerity I’m the worst person when I bleed just to catch a reprieve Can’t you see that I didn’t like what I was becoming? I had to go through hell to see what hand was worth showing It turns out the deck was stacked in favor of me growing I had to leave behind the seeds of life that you were sowing You found comfort in that bottle, a legal remedy In an effort to escape your life-long agony But that just leaves me in between a rock and a hard place To face what life has left me with or to escape That’s the pessimist’s dilemma, to be or not to be If life weren’t this difficult would it still be worth living? I’m searching for a means; you’re searching for an end You hoped this wasn’t really happening but it is I’m searching for a purpose; you’re searching for a fix You couldn’t face reality while I learned to get a grip

It was a tragic affair for the girl with black hair An angel with jet-black intentions to bear Her cries were like thunder claps and desperate gasps She clung onto life like a syringe to clasp I was the frog turned prince from a kiss on the lips She was my broken bride frantically trying to get a grip On this thing called life, it’s a reindeer game When everything that comes out of your mouth sounds the same I may be paranoid but you’re the one to blame With a needle in your arm digging for a working vein It seems like I’ve come to terms with my mistakes The best thing I ever did for me was walk away You were a hard habit to break, I won’t lie But our love affair was just another opiate high You would’ve sold me for a fix in the blink of an eye But I’ve never been the type to let sleeping dogs lie I just might close my eyes (x4) Our chemical romance was tinged with opioid intentions There’s a part of you that can’t love you failed mention Our darkness intertwined and had a synergistic effect But you never wanted love, you only hoped for death I was comfortably numb; you played comfortably dumb We got so high we could’ve been ignited by the sun We got caught up in our lustful quest for angel dust But the tension caused the tripwire we walked on to rust I may be the liar but you were who lit the pyre Your overdose catalyzed the events that transpired You became an alcohol-soaked, Opana-doped ghost A parasitic life form using me as a host Became a shell of myself, trapped in my own kind of hell Like Lucifer, there was no grace when I fell But you were always looking for some sort of validation And when you didn’t get that you still had your medication You were a succubus with the taste of ether on your lips And one arm attached to your grandfathers morphine drip I left when I got the chance, how could you blame me? At the end of the day we both knew you had it coming I just might close my eyes (x4)

I’m alone Just like I’ve always been Why should you care? Well, you never really did I was born into this mess we call existence This funny feeling is a reality check I’m the most capable I’ve ever been Of ending this catastrophe that I’m in I don’t care how dull Your needle is It’ll provide me the rest I deserve to get I’m on a collision course With the end of the line Cuz the end of this line And I are intertwined I’ve kept a steady pace with death Feeling short of breath I pull the needle out Now to enjoy what’s left I get a glaze over my eyes I’m trapped in glass My sweet demise I found comfort in the end I always had the feeling This is how I would go I’ve spent nineteen years too long Coming short of gold And now to welcome death’s warm embrace The end cares for neither time nor place Pull through Mando Get it together now You’ve got a reason to live Whether or not you know it now The light at the end of the tunnel is nearing But it’s not your time to go yet Shit, where is the Narcan You’re not allowed to die just yet! Keep breathing Get air into your lungs Get the needle into your vein Let the plunger plunge Let the naloxone enter your bloodstream Come on Mando, stay with me Please don’t go just yet Don’t give up on me You thought I was gone But I’m not going out without a fight Even with death calling out my name I’m no one’s body count to claim You can say what you want But I am here to stay Until the universe decides To come take me away If coming back from the dead doesn’t suffice Then I’ll resurrect like I’m Jesus fucking Christ Arms pointed up to the sky Yelling to god, “you’ll never take me alive!” not as long as I’ve got this will to survive it’s the fight that keeps me alive it’s the fight that makes me thrive it’s the fight that helps me survive it’s the fight that makes it worth the fight and I’m not dying tonight not when there are battles left to fight and mountains left to climb I plan to soar to new heights You’ll all be looking up to me In little to no time Just wait and see I’m gonna bring it alright? And when I do You’re all going to understand Why some people have to struggle In order to be them I’ll beat the odds Cuz you weren’t counting on an upset The storm I bring with me Will make you sick to your stomach I’m just going to be me All the way to the end But with that said, I’m gonna cause a mother fucking ruckus!